Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

nine; truth hurts

"Feel what, Kylo?"

You feel your pulse quicken, hear your heart beat in your throat. You're so confused by his words, he's so unpredictable. Who knows what he's about to say, who knows what kind of impact the next words to come out of his mouth will have.

He's still not facing you, standing with his back to you, hunched over the table. After a couple of seconds, he straightens up, and turns to face you, a pained expression on his face. There are dark circles under his eyes, the pale skin discoloured, a purple tint. When was the last time he had a good night's sleep?

"Whatever it is you're feeling."

He says it in such a dejected manner that you feel your heart sink. You knew Kylo isn't inherently bad. You knew it. You knew you two shared a special link. That link meant that you were one and the same. You want to reach out again, hug him, tell him he's not alone. Tell him you can't stand the thought of feeling he has no one to turn to.

And you do, you take a step towards him, your arms outstretched, and he considers your open arms for a second, before turning away.

"We're not here to talk about what we feel. It's too late for that anyway."

The look on his face breaks your heart, and it motivates you to do what you did next- you quickly rush up to him, pressing your face into his chest again and hug him very briefly. You know he doesn't want to show it, but he needs a friend. You're not worried about how it's not exactly normal that you're hugging Kylo Ren.

All you care about is getting your message across: he's not alone.

Kylo doesn't know what to do with himself. He's close to bursting; but this time it's not rage that would pour out. Relief. Sadness. Regret. He was so sure of who he was and what his plan was a year ago. He had been so sure that he wanted to carry out Darth Vader's- his grandfather's- original plan. It's why he had done it all, killed his fellow Jedi apprentices in front of his uncle's eyes and sought guidance from the Supreme Leader.

But then you had come along. Made him doubt himself.

Which is something Kylo never does.

And the stupid, damned connection he had felt, from somewhere deep in his chest. The place that he thought had been closed up forever, sat to decay away in the dark.

You involuntarily slide backwards, your feet floating in the air. "Kylo.." you start.

"Don't ever touch me again," he replies, his arm still outstretched, holding you in place, away from him. He looks like he's under great strain, probably trying to not get angry and lash out at you. It's not that he doesn't want the physical contact. It's not that he doesn't want to have you in his arms again, if only to feel that strange feeling that he had never felt in his life.

A feeling that brought about with it warmth and the urge to smile, and which vaguely reminded him of his days back home with his mother and father and that walking-talking carpet of a Wookiee.

He wants to know what that feeling is. Because Kylo hates not knowing.

Speaking of strange feelings, you were feeling one too. However, unlike Kylo, you know this feeling all too well. Or at least, know you had known it too well. Though your memory had been erased, this particular feeling had remained, though faint. It's too strong to be completely wiped away. The second you had hugged Kylo earlier, the feeling had somehow resurfaced, and you had recognised it immediately.

And you're hoping against hope itself that what it was wrong. A mistake.

"Can you tell me what you meant?" You realise your feet are not even on the floor. You had been too busy studying Kylo to notice. "And let me down? Now? Please?"

He sighs, lowering you.

"I know you're feeling like you're being torn apart. You don't know who you are yet, you're young-"

"Being young has nothing to do with me feeling torn apart. You wanna know why I'm torn apart, Kylo Ren?"

He leans his head back against the wall, and gestures with his head for you to go on.

"It's true, I don't know who I am. I was taken from my family when I was twelve, Kylo, twelve, and then I'm suddenly asked to train with Kylo Ren- the great Kylo Ren who doesn't even care about anyone, only cares about being the best-"

He quickly straightens up and takes a step towards you, visibly getting angry. "Who do you think you're talking to-"

But now that you've started, you can't stop.

"I'm torn apart because you're probably the only person on this isolated planet- nice choice for a landing, by the way- and you won't even talk to me! Nothing, it's like I don't exist. Kylo, I'm eighteen, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I need a friend? Someone to guide me? To give me advice?"

Something along the lines of guilt flashes across his face. Through gritted teeth he says, "Do you think I have time-"

"The first day you saw me, you told me you wanted me to work up to being your equal. Well I've been working every single day for two months, and you still treat me like I'm some-some-" You weren't even planning on saying all this, and you struggle to find the right words, tears in your eyes, "stupid child who doesn't know anything. Well I know something - I know a lot actually, I know that you're not even sure why you're doing this, I know you're not as evil as you want everyone to think and damn it Ren, I know damn well you know that this is not who you were destined to be."

You don't even have time to catch your breath after the long speech you just made. No time to appreciate how lighter your chest feels, now that you had gotten all of that off it.

Your chest suddenly feels like the lungs have collapsed into themselves, devoid of any trace of oxygen. Kylo's eyes are glinting with something- you can't tell if it's hurt or rage- his hand held out, fingers outstretched, a look of intense focus on his face.

"I can't breathe," you croak, the intense pressure in your chest making you feel like you're about to implode. You try using the Force to ease Kylo's grip on you, but you're nowhere near as strong as he is.

Not when he's this enraged.

"You don't know me," he says through gritted teeth. "You know nothing about me."

You don't manage to reply, feel your eyes start to roll to the back of your head, the oxygen no longer reaching your brain.

And that's when you feel your chest inflate again, and you fall forward, landing on your knees. You take a big gulp of air, filling your lungs with the much needed oxygen.

Kylo is slowly rubbing the sides of his forehead, trying to calm all the thoughts making his head pound.

You weren't going to say anything. You stand up, breathing heavily, and turn, walk up to the door. But you were so hurt by his actions, that you couldn't stop yourself. "I can't believe you did that," you tell him, your tone quiet and hurt.

"Luna, I-"

The room jolts forward then, the starship finally landing. The force of the impact of the starship with the ground of the planet makes everything in the room slide to one side. Kylo staggers backwards, the wall breaking his fall.

You stumble forward as well, unable to keep your balance, about to hit the floor when Kylo reaches out and grabs you. You end up against his chest, the room around you shaking uncontrollably as the Starship settles down on the planet.