Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

thirty-one; failure to comprehend

You're lying down on your bed. Kylo's head is resting on your stomach, and he's Force-levitating random objects around the room, trying to calm himself down. You're focusing on his breathing, and the little crook of his nose. You're focusing on his long eyelashes, and the natural wave of his hair. 

Small things which you knew you were still in love with.

He had stumbled into your room in the middle of the night, his heartbeat out of control and his knuckles bloodied. His thoughts had been so mixed up and so jumbled, that they pushed themselves into your brain, occupied your thoughts; too loud for you to focus on anything but them.

"I can't sleep," he had whispered loudly. "I can't sleep without you anymore."

You had gotten up and groped around the dark room until your fingers made contact with his dampened cheekbones. After you placed a light kiss on his lips, you let your fingers trail down to his hands; felt the blood congealing on his knuckles.

"Who did you hit?" You had asked, eager to know the details.

"No-one. I punched three walls."

He's calmed down now, but you're still anxious. This isn't the Kylo you were used to - the Kylo you were used to was good at keeping himself composed; it had always been you to wander into his room with a heart and a head full of hurt, it had always been him to calm you down, even when he was half-asleep.

You're mindlessly playing with locks of his raven-black hair, running your fingers through it, twirling little sections. The warmth radiating from his head is keeping your stomach warm, and you know that the second he changes position, you'll want him to return to this one.

"Do you think I was made for the Dark Side?" he asks, as he lowers down whatever item he had been playing with. It makes a small noise as it lands on the metal table.

The question makes your stomach churn a little bit. What kind of question is this? How were you supposed to know? Why is it so hard to form an answer in your brain?

You push him off you, sit at the edge of the bed, not facing him. You try so hard to keep your composure.

"Snoke said the Dark Side has wavered. But I feel it- the Darkness- I feel it controlling my every move in training; I feel it whenever I let my passions get the better of me."

Kylo slides to the foot of the bed, places his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his palms. "I was so seduced by the Light inside of you," he mumbles into his palms. Every word feels like a dagger to your heart; every word deepens the frown on your face.

"You were never Dark," you spit out, almost in a spiteful manner. "You said so yourself. The only reason you killed your father was in the hopes of eliminating the last shred of Light inside of you. You had felt it, you were scared it was too powerful. But it's still there, isn't it? It's overpowering the Darkness. There's no balance left."

Word after word it all spills out- now all you have to do is wait miserably until you hear him admit it.

Admit that you two are opposites now. You weren't even facing each other; already, it feels like you are strangers.

"Snoke manipulated me." He stands up and walks over to your side of the bed, where you're sitting, and gets down on his knees in front of you. He takes your hands in his. He tries to make you to look at him, but all of a sudden, you just can't force yourself to look into his eyes.

It's inexplicable- it's like something inside of you shifted, shifted in such a way that it can never go back to how it was.

"I understand now that he manipulated me- you had tried to make me understand and I do now. You had balance inside of you, Luna, but-"

"You were so much more seducing when you hated me." You jerk your hands away from his, and stand up, leaving him on his knees.

"Are you hearing yourself?" Disbelief crashes into him like a wave. He's speechless- is he too late?

"Yes. Are you hearing yourself? This isn't the same Kylo Ren."

"I've told you before- I have been torn since the day-" He's struggling so hard to form sentences, speaking through gritted teeth. He gives up trying to make you understand, stands in front of you, the hurt in his eyes doing all the talking for him.

You exhale loudly. What is happening?

It is true- a month ago, it was you who had been trying to convince him that who he was, was not who he was destined to be. You had seen the good in him. Time and time again, even though he had fought so hard to keep that part of him concealed, you had seen the good. The Light.

You knew what had happened.

Just as how he had been trying hard to hide that side of him, so had you, you tried to hide the side that had always been so inexplicably attracted to any and all things Dark.

The mysterious Darkness had always been appealing in your eyes- though you would never have guessed that you'd succumb to it.

You close your eyes and fall back onto the bed.

You never knew you'd end up being this seduced.