Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

eight; new feelings

"Get out of my head!" you scream, your throat starting to feel raw, opening your eyes and looking into Kylo's. 

"You need to be able to resist mental probing," he replies calmly, his fingers still hovering above your forehead. "You're angry at me," he adds. "Use that anger to your advantage. Screaming won't help you."

So many conflicting emotions are running through your mind- anger, pain, concern. Fear. You're angry at Kylo for what he did to the man who had tried his best to save your life, angry at him for still resisting the calls to the Light. One day those calls will stop coming to him. And then it'll be too late for him. Too late for you to help him. He keeps acting like he doesn't want to be helped, but you know, somehow, deep down, that he needs your help. If not your help, then someone's. But you doubt there were any people left that were willing to help Kylo.

Most of all, you're scared. Petrified of the way all these negative and dark emotions are fuelling you. You know that the Dark side of the Force is fuelled by rage and pain. Did this mean that you shift more towards the Dark side?

"What will you do when Luke Skywalker tries to get inside your mind?" Kylo is saying. "When he wants to probe your mind for critical information? What if he tries to convince you to join him?" he continues, but you're no longer listening. You close your eyes again, focusing hard, and take a step towards him. Kylo feels your mental push, but he pushes harder, forcing himself into your mental corridors. You resist him, resist his push, and after a few seconds your mind feels free. He's no longer reading your thoughts.

But you're not finished with him yet.

You take another step towards him. "You did it," he says cautiously, a hint of warning in his tone. You reach out your arm but he grabs it, jerks it out of the way. "Don't try to get inside my head." You ignore his warning and try to anyway.

She's better than Rey- maybe even better than I am.

"Luna, stop!" he warns again, but you keep pushing, exploring his thoughts a little more, hoping to find something- anything- that is an indication that Kylo isn't too far gone. That he can be helped.

I'm being torn apart.

It's the last thing you hear inside his mind, because Kylo reaches out for both your arms, clutching them together, breaking your focus. He mentally strengthens the walls around his thoughts, anxious to know what you took from him.

But you had heard it. A silent plead.

"I've already told you before to never use the Force on me," he begins, pulling you even closer. His hands grip yours tightly, almost like he wishes to leave them tied up so you wouldn't cause him more trouble. He's shouting something, shaking you. His tone scares you, and for the first time ever, you wish he is wearing his helmet. Without his helmet on, you can see the anger flashing across his features. And the anger is so human, so raw, so uncontained, that it sends shivers down your spine. You feel tears start pricking your eyes. You feel like a little child again, wanting to give up right there and then. You want to push him away with whatever strength you had left after trying to access his thoughts, run to your room and cry. Curl up into a ball and hope no one misses your absence. You weren't as strong he thought you were.

What was I thinking? Did I actually think I could help him? Did I seriously think he would listen to me? What does he care? He's too far gone. He doesn't have any Light inside of him. I just have to accept my faith now. 

You close your eyes as he's still shouting something at you, blanking him out, no longer caring what he has to say to you. The lightsaber wound on your thigh starts throbbing again. You want to be free of this constant pain, this pain of not knowing who you are, what you stand for. Up until now you were sure that what Snoke had said had been true- that Kylo and you share a rare bond. An energy that seemed to dance around just between the both of you. It feels true. But if Kylo really is this malicious, then does it mean that you are too?

"Why are you crying?" he asks, genuine concern dampening his authoritative voice. His grip loosens on your arm, his hands move up to your forearms. "Don't cry." Knowing how pathetic you must look crying in front of Kylo Ren himself, makes you cry even harder.

"Stop crying," he says softly, and then, he does the unthinkable.

He embraces you, wrapping you in his arms, one of his hands awkwardly placed around your waist, and the other cupping the back of your head as you sob quietly into his chest. You feel him exhale deeply as he pulls you into him, almost in a relief-like manner. Heat radiates from his body, and you feel your body envelop itself comfortably within his. It's a warmth you haven't once felt in the past five years you served the First Order. It's a warmth you never want to stop feeling.

This is all you had ever wanted. To have someone there for you. A shoulder to cry on, someone to offer you advice in a compassionate voice. But this means Kylo is further proving to you how human he is. And proving how human he is also proved how all of his actions- the people that were killed at his command, the endless tormenting, the maliciousness- were his. His choices.

It had been easy to think of him as a powerful force of evil when he was training you in that helmet and Force-strangling anyone who dared get on his nerves.

But being in his arms, feeling his heart beat against your chest, is a whole other thing. It makes it hard to believe that he could be this evil.

And that's bad. It means that one way or another, you'd soon start letting your guard down.

"I was like this too," he whispers, and it's hard to detect what emotion he's feeling from his voice. "No you weren't," you whisper back into his chest, taking small gulps of air to help yourself calm down. You feel emotionally drained, so many things are rushing through your mind that you wouldn't even know where or how to begin explaining them.

You raise your face to look at him, and for the first time since you met him, you realise just how tall he is. His height- and that helmet- betray his young age. He breaks contact with you, and turns away, placing his palms flat against the nearest table. His heart is beating wildly- as is yours- from the new feelings that emerged after the physical contact.

"I feel it too."

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(A/N: I really hope I managed to convey why Luna is so torn. She's torn between wanting to know Kylo's human and therefore can be helped, and not thinking him as a human and therefore can't be helped and is too far gone. Seeing him as a human will however, make it harder for her to accept all his bad decisions. I'm tired AF I'm sorry I'll shut up :c if something's not clear just comment it, and i'll try my best to clear it up for you! 💖)

It would mean the world to me if you could check out my original story: The Midnight Dilemma - steamy romance about an undercover agent, bad boy gang leader, cartel adventures, secrets, tension, enemies to lovers, etc. It's a WIP and I'd love any feedback you might have. Thank you sososoososooo much 🥺

Check it out here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/313223112-the-midnight-dilemma