Crawling Back To You

Chapter 19

I can't move. I don't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know it was possible. Every time we had sex, we did it safely. It's just not possible. Can please someone tell me what to do?

'No! It.... It can't be. I mean - how?'

'I don't know, Alex!' That's when she starts crying. Usually I know exactly what to do when Hailey is crying, but right now I feel like I'm not able to do anything... I am just to much struggling with myself. I can't be a father! I am fucking eighteen! How am I supposed to have a child when I AM a child?

'I... I think I should go...' I mutter.

'What?' She snaps. 'You just leave me all alone with this? Like I can deal with this, Alex! Like I want all this! We have to do this together! You can't leave me right now! I need you!'

'But Anna...' I shouldn't have said that. I know how bloody much she hates Anna. I couldn't have picked a worse time to start about Anna. But I'm just so shocked. I can't comfort her or anything. I have to process this first.

'WHAT? How can you?! How could you possibly think about HER? I am the one that needs you, Al! Don't you see that? Is Anna really all that matters to you?'

I know Hailey is pregnant, which means she is very emotional. And I know I can't blame her, but she drives me crazy!

'No, YOU are all that matters!' I shout at her, I just can't take it anymore.

'I am the one that's pregnant! I am the one that has to get that child out of me soon or later! I can't handle that! You have no idea what I'm going through and you have no idea how I feel!' She blurts out.

'No, you're right! I don't! So what do you want me to do about it?!'

'I want you to stop shouting at me!'

'Then I want you to stop shouting at me too!'

'Okay!' She shouts and I see a little smile on her face, that turns into a sob.

'Alex, would you please hold me?' The tears flow down her cheeks.

'Of course, honey.' I grab her shoulders and pull her toward me. My hands touch her hips carefully and then I lay them down on her back. We hold each other very tightly. She leans her head against my chest and cries loudly. I can feel her ribs.

'Hailey?'

'Hmm?' She lifts her head to look at me. Her brown eyes not as sparkling as always. They look sad.

'Have you lost weight?' I ask.

'Not that I know. Why?'

'I don't know... You seem... Thinner...'

'Hmm... I dunno...' She lays her head down on my shoulder and I just cuddle her.

When I come home, I see Anna, sitting on the couch. She looks up.

'Hey.'

'Hey,' I say and I walk upstairs. I can't stop myself from crying. I lay down on my bed and curl my legs up like a baby. I hide my face in my knees and scream. Why does this happen to me? Why can't Hailey and I just be fine for ONE moment? There's always something... Maybe we should just... Stop doing this... No... What the hell am I thinking? She's pregnant. I can't leave her alone with that baby. We're stuck together. Forever. I wasn't planning to be with her forever. I mean, I love her. I can't imagine how it would be without her, but... Children? I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for anything that has to be FOREVER.

'Babe, wha's wrong?' Anna walks in. Her white-blond hair is loose and she wears a short dress that shows her long legs. She looks good, after all that she's been through.

'Don't call me that,' I snap. 'We're not a couple.'

'Aren't we?' She sits down next to me and and caresses my thigh. Her hand moves upwards, but I don't stop her. Why don't I? She starts taking off my clothes.

'Anna...' I say weakly. I can't do this, but... I just don't stop her either. Maybe she's just easy to get or something... Definitely easier than Hailey.

'Don't you like it, Al?' She takes of her dress and shows me her beautiful body. She's not as beautiful as Hailey, but she is beautiful.

'No... I do...' I moan, while I roughly kiss her breasts. She geesps. For one moment, I forget all my worries.