Naylene's Book Of Poems

Sleep Is The Closest I Can Get To Death

I'm in between when it comes to death,

Yes,

I want to die,

But i don't at the same time.

How do you explain this to the people you care when you can't even come to terms to it with yourself?

Sleep is the closest i can get to death these days,

The pain in my chest is like my heartbeat,

It's always here,

Even if i can't see it.

I swear to god,

My thoughts are a fucking ocean and

I'm struggling to swim.

How do i explain this to my grandmother?
'I want to die and cut my skin until i bleed'

This is not something you discuss over dinner

I've thought about death more than life itself,

But then i remember,

All of the friends i've made,

Online or not,

They care about me and i don't want to hurt them,
I recall all the good times,

I think,

'Who would take care of my dog? My cat?'

If i go, They won't see me anymore,

And they'll never understand why.

So,

Yes,

I want to die,

But i don't think it's my time just yet.

I may break and shatter,

And although i'm not okay right now,

I'll be okay eventually.