Naylene's Book Of Poems

I Can Feel Myself Getting Bad Again

It seems that my happiness is subsiding and the past few days have not been so great,

I thought i was going to be okay because everything was looking up.

But it's now 9 pm and i remember 2 years ago when i was messed up,

I was so messed up, I paid for pills to get myself high because i just wanted to be happy for a minute

And i feel like that's gonna happen again.

So desperate for happiness and away from the hurt that i was willing to take anything,

the urges have came back,

I should tell someone about this but,

I've been gagging after i eat again,

I have urges to harm myself again

I think i might break again.

Others will say Do you need to talk? and i'll reply with 'This is normal' and how sad,

How very sad,

That is normal for me to want to take something to take away the pain,

That it is normal for me to want to kill myself.

I shouldn't talk about this because people will worry but,

I don't know

These past days depression has come knocking on the door while anxiety sat beside me whispering everything i know isn't true but because,

just because they repeat all the bad things,

you begin to believe them

and that's when you know you are fucked.

I feel like i'm getting bad again

and i'm not sure what to do about it.

Someone please help me