Naylene's Book Of Poems

You Don't Know What Happens Behind Closed Doors

 I walk my relatives in that are visiting and they say 'You look so lovely' and then tells us that our home is pretty. I smile and nod but what they don't know is that for me, this is not a home but only a house. People say i have the best things and that i should be grateful but how can they say that when they don't know what goes on between closed doors?

My grandma tells me everyday that i have the best dad and no one is better but i'd beg to differ. I know somewhere there is a kid who's smiling with his family and doesn't have to listen to their father yell insults at them or come home drunk just to reveal what he really thinks. I try and talk to people about how i feel and my life is all but a disappointment, I have depression and anxiety, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. This. Is. Not. Attention. I'm aware that people get hurt by what i do, I am not dumb. I hurt the only person who lets me stay over and be myself, lets me be happy for once instead of trying to ignore the dark thoughts that poke at my head daily.

Sorry cannot undo what i have done, no amount of hugs or words can ever undo what i did. I don't know what to say because she was the only person that let me be happy in 3 years and i screwed up. She does not have to forgive me, I know. I just hope she knows that i am sorry, I won't talk to her unless she wants me to and i do need her. I love her, so much. I am sorry for everything.

I will try and bear the pain,
You have saved my life numerous times,
I understand if you no longer want me in your life.
I'm sorry.