True Family Love

Never Sleep Again

I manage to stay awake, throughout the night; even while laying in a warm, soft bed with Clary nuzzled into my side. It wasn't the most easy situation to persevere through, but it was obviously possible, for I did it. When Clary wakes up, I am already up and dressed; my dark green contacts in yet again. I am sitting on the edge of the bed studying Clarys face, when her eyes open. She looks at me, a genuine, sleepy smile on her face. "Good morning," she says still half asleep. She leans up slowly and kisses me on the lips; when she lays back down, the taste of her lingers on my lips. I smile down at her, but the thought of my deception causes the smile to fade fast. I stand quickly and step away from the bed. "Um. You should probably go get dressed... in your room." She looks confused at my sudden change. She stands and starts to walk out, but just as she reaches the door she turns back to me. "Sebastian... your sure your okay? I mean, from what happened last night?" I try my best to smile at her, "Of course, love. I'm the best I've ever been. But you really should go get dressed. I'll meet you in the dinning room." As she walks out, she leaves the door open. I sigh and walk up to it and close it behind her; leaning against the door I sink to a sitting position. What am I doing anymore? I've lost sight of my goal. I must set this straight. She is nothing more than a liability. I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration; I remember I also still need to take care of Jace. Maybe I can just let whatever happens happen to him? NO!! I need to stop thinking this way, so.. so soft! I need to think like the hard, cold general I am; I need to have Jace killed, and I need Clary to become my queen. WITHOUT falling for her, she is to be nothing more than a beautiful ornament to decorate my throne, and my arm. Why do I keep forgetting this? Before I know it, I am across the room, my bedside lamp in pieces in the floor, and my hand a bloody mess. I sit on the edge of my bed and pick the pieces of ceremic out of my hand. After that I sweep the shards off the floor; I leave my hand bleeding though. The pain helps me remember why I am doing this. I must've been in my room for longer than I thought - the sound of Clary knocking on my door and calling my name pulls me out of my thoughts. "Sebastian! Are you okay?" I sigh and stand from the edge of my bed, approaching the door, but not opening it. "What the bloody angel do you want Clary!" I can hear her feet shuffle back. "I- I'm sorry.. nevermind Sebastian. I'll just. Um. Okay.." I can hear her footsteps retreat down the hall. Away from me, away from the monster that I really am. I sigh and pick the peices of ceremic out of my hand, slowly and painfully. After that excruciating pain, I go to my bathroom and rinse the blood off my hand. I think about putting an iratze on it, but I decide to let it heal like a mundane would. If only I could just take care of Clary.