Between a Rock and a Hard Place // c.h.

14 - Falling

    Falling in love is horrible. Actually, scratch that, falling in love isn't the problem, it's falling out of love that really hurts. Falling in love is easy the first time, but once you've fallen out of love, once you've gone through all the pain and the hurt, you don't want to do it again. So once you've fallen out of love, falling in love again seems pointless. Your heart, your mind, your body are all tired and heavy, and you don't see why you should put yourself through it again. Could anyone be worth the pain?

   I was falling in love for the second time, with Calum Thomas Hood. He was worth the pain, I knew this when I woke on a warm Sunday morning in late March, when I woke up to him next to me. The brown-eyed bassist was asleep with his arm thrown limply over me, holding me to him. His mouth hung open slightly, a pool of drool forming near the corner of his mouth. His hair was disheveled, thrown to every side, sticking up in some places and lying flat in others. His nostrils flared with every breath he took. A look of complete peace was on his face. His body was tucked under a thick layer of blankets, his legs intertwined with mine. Observing him, falling in love with every detail, I noticed his bruises. One covered his right cheek and eye, spreading over his nose with its blue-purple edges. He had a small, almost unnoticeable cut on his lip, it was scanned over. He'd gotten hurt, for me. He'd risked his well being against Danny because he cared about me. Everything about Calum made me love him more than I thought possible. I tucked a loose strand of curly hair behind Cal's ear, watching his peaceful face as he slept. He made me so happy, and moments like this made me fall even more in love with the brown-eyed boy. He mumbled something in his sleep, then his eyes opened slightly.

   "Morning..." I whispered softly, my head lying on the pillow next to Cal's. Only centimeters separated his nose from mine.

   "Morning." He grunted, still half-asleep. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, his warm, exposed skin inviting me closer. I giggled and allowed myself to get closer to him. The tips of our noses touched now, so I took advantage of the situation. I touched my lips to his. His lips were soft and warm, and they tasted sweet, like vanilla. The kiss held for only a second or two, but I wanted it to last for an eternity. He breathed deeply, a satisfied smile spreading across his sleepy face. "Love you." He sighed, relaxing into me. My heart started beating faster, he really did love me, and the thought of it made my head spin. He laid silently for a moment, I assumed he'd drifted to sleep again, but eventually he got out of the bed, strolling into the bathroom. I crawled out from the warm shelter of blankets and walked cautiously up the stairs of my basement. My parents were devout Christian, if they knew Cal was here, they'd kill me, literally. They encouraged dating enough, but Calum had stayed the night, which was a big problem. They would assume the worst, which I would deny feverishly, and despite my pleas and begging, I would be forbidden to be near Cal ever again.

   When my parents had told me about losing my virginity before marriage, I had scoffed and shrugged it off. I had never imagined myself in a situation where it would actually happen, but I wouldn't mind if it happened with Cal. I loved him, so I wasn't worried about falling superstitious rules. Still, my parents house was my only option until I graduated in two months, so I was forced to keep my mouth shut and hide whatever things did happen. I reached the top of the stairs, gazing around the room, no one was there. I sauntered into the kitchen, my bare feet slapping the cool tile. On the granite counter top sat a note.

   Had to work. There's bacon & eggs in the fridge.
   -Mom & Dad

   Of course they'd be gone. I sighed, placing the food in the microwave. I was home alone a lot, because my parents were always busy with work. It had been that way since I was young, probably thirteen or fourteen. When my older sister had left the house to become a doctor, I stopped seeing her too. It was normal for me to be alone most days, I had grown to kind of like it.

   I took the food down to my room, placing it on the end of my bed. Calum was still in the bathroom. I walked over, knocking on the door. "Cal? There's food out here." The door swung open swiftly, he stood in the open doorway, wearing only his boxers. He smiled at my reaction. My jaw was open in shock. His side was bruised horribly, sickly yellows, greens, purples, and blues stretching across the right side of his ribcage.

   "You said food?" He laughed. Suddenly my feet were off the ground as Calum carried me to my bed. I screamed and giggled as he threw me onto the pile of pillows, letting myself actually have fun. He laughed, jumping in next to me. We ate and talked for what seemed like hours. When we had finished I put on some actual clothes. My outfit consisted of ripped skinny jeans, black converse, and the All Time Low shirt Cal had gotten me. He beamed when I pulled the shirt over my head. He put on the clothes he'd been wearing the day before, including his blood-stained shirt.

   "You can't wear that Cal." I said, rummaging through my closet until I found an oversized hoodie. I threw it at him, causing him to laugh. The sweatshirt fit him almost perfectly, and he didn't feel embarrassed to wear it because of the gender neutral Green Day pattern on the front. I finished my morning ritual, then brushed my faded hair.

   "Let's go somewhere." He said randomly, I looked at him. "C'mon!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs and out of my house. We got into his car, which had been parked down the road a little way from my house. He turned the music up as loud as he could, blasting All American Rejects through the speakers. We sang along at the top of our lungs. The whole drive went like this until we pulled through the small Starbucks drive-up window. We ordered our coffee, and set off again. I wasn't sure where Calum was going, I wasn't sure I cared. We just drove. We talked and we sang and we drove. While we drove I thought. The night before I'd had a terrible dream, in which Calum had continued on his tour, and by the end, had grown to resent me. He had hated me for holding him back with the strong-held ties of a committed relationship. Thoughts of the dream crossed my mind nearly the whole drive. I couldn't let that happen, could I? By three in the afternoon we were done driving. We were in a small forested area in the middle of nowhere when Cal stopped, but I didn't argue. We got out of the car, walking up a small trail on the side of the road for about ten minutes. I asked Calum multiple times where we were going but he refused to answer me with all the stubbornness he could muster. Halfway through our hike he covered my eyes, leading me the rest of the way. When we stopped, he counted down. His hands dropped from my eyes, revealing a sight that made me gasp.