Between a Rock and a Hard Place // c.h.

35 - Bad Decisions & Self Honesty

   I couldn't remember what the unnamed alcohol coursing through my body had felt like the first time. Shot after shot of different variations of drinks came at me, and I took each and every one of them. I drowned out the stress with the burning in my throat, and when the stress was gone, I drowned out the burning by drinking more. My mind rapidly became clouded. With every drink I took, another part of my brain was consumed in the thick fog provided by the alcohol I consumed. Even with the storm in my head, I felt happy.

   Something itched at the back of my head. A word, maybe a name. 'C...' I thought. 'It's starts with C.' After few seconds of contemplating the possibilities of the word, I gave up, instead chasing the idea with more throat burning liquid. Soon I had forgotten whatever the thought had been entirely, and it took extreme effort to focus on the world around me. I stumbled into someone. My eyes drifted to the face of a man, he looked young, about my age. His crystal-blue eyes were bloodshot, and his smile was meddled with what appeared to be a concern of some type. Luke. His name registered in my head. He was really attractive. I giggled, blushing at him. This wasn't something I would've normally done, but I couldn't think to do much else.

   "Cara." He responded, pushing me back, out of the crowd. I hadn't known I'd spoken his name out loud, but apparently I'd thought it louder than I'd meant. Our walk was cut to a halt when we reached a wall in the corner of the bar. I looked at Luke's face, this man, I knew him. I didn't know how I knew him, or where from... I couldn't remember.

   Suddenly his lips crashed against mine. The heat on my skin was touched by the radiating cool from his black lip ring. In response, I kissed back clumsily, the roughness of the encounter only helping to make the kiss sloppier, but it was perfect. Even with the blaring sounds of the world around us, all I could focus on was the electricity that was being passed from person to person. A warm spark flooded throughout my body, beginning and ending at my lips. 'I know Luke.' I thought to myself. Choosing to ignore the nagging feeling in my stomach, I grabbed one of the top buttons on Luke's shirt, hurriedly attempting to undo it. He stopped me, placing his firm hand around my own.

   "Not here." His deep, accented voice echoed, I was barely able to hear over the noise that surrounded us. Holding my hand, he led me out of the bar and across the street. A motel sat vacant, and that's exactly where we were going. Luke threw a bill of some amount at the worker behind a counter, then grabbed a key and led me temptingly up a set of stairs. When we reached the room that was presumably ours, I pushed him against the door strongly, kissing him desperately. I wanted Luke, and wherever I knew him from, I knew I had wanted him for a while. He fumbled the door open, only breaking the kiss apart for a second. We tripped backwards into the room, my lips never intending to leave his. He picked me up, and I straddled him, enjoying the lust and hunger in his eyes. He carried me over to the bed, standing me next to it, in between the white sheets and the beige wall. He began unbuttoning his shirt, taking it off. I did the same hastily. I wanted him, and I was going to get him. Once we had stripped down to our underwear, he gazed at my exposed body. Through the drunk haze I was in, I self-consciously remembered my scars. My hands immediately flung up to hide them in embarrassment, but Luke held my hands to my sides, pinning them, as week as the rest of my body, against the wall.

   His cool lips touched each and every line of my scars gently, working their way across my skin until every inch of myself I'd hurt had been kissed softly. His lips then moved downward, tracing my hips, then my thighs. He stopped over my panties, kissing me more passionately. I squirmed, an intense heat filling me. A lust, a want for Luke Hemmings. Was that his last name? Hemmings. He teased me for a moment, running his lips repeatedly over me, making me more and more desperate.

   "Oh just do it Hemmings!" I choked out, gripping his blonde hair in between my fingers. His name shook Luke to life. He stood, his eyes meeting mine. A new wave of seriousness took over his face.

   "Cara. Are you sure? This is gonna cause problems." He spoke, deep worry filling his every word. Memory struck me, memory of my relationship win Calum, memory of my denied feelings for Luke. Memory of how much I craved Luke, even though I loved Calum.

   'Calum's not here. He doesn't have to know.' I decided, smirking at Luke. "Fuck problems, Luke. I want you, and I want this." I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling his body against mine so that our skin was touching, which caused spasms of electricity to course through me. I felt his hard against my leg, and I played with it, moving my thigh so that it would rub it. Luke tried to maintain his composure, but gave in, kissing my collarbone, sucking so that I moaned softly. My hands went to his hair, tugging it ever-so-slightly. Luke's hands ran down my body, sending chills up and down my spine. They stopped at my panties, gripping the fabric harshly. I took them off as Luke's long fingers unclasped my bra. He kissed my chest, earning involuntary noises from my mouth. He made me feel a way I didn't know was possible. I felt electric with Luke, as if lightning was rushing through my bloodstream. His hands found their way back to my heat, his fingers tracing fast circles across my skin.

   "Luke." I gasped, grabbing his boxers and yanked them off completely, exposing him fully to me. He blushed nervously, leaning in to kiss me more slowly, gently. The kiss grew rougher, harder. I pushed back on Luke, toward the bed. He tripped over backwards into the white sheets, chuckling and wrapping his arms around me, holding me close to him as he fell. I giggled, kissing him through both of our smiles as we cascaded onto the soft bed. He moved so that we were laying down the center of the wide bed. We laid side by side, kissing passionately yet strongly. I rolled so that I was positioned above Luke's, my hips resting just above his groin. He looked at me, a warm feeling in his oceans of eyes. I sat on top of him, starting something even more dangerous as the moments passed.

-

After we both came down from our highs Luke and I rested next to each other, our bodies entangled like string. He breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling in time with his heartbeat. My head bobbed with each movement of his chest. Luke was silent for so long that I assumed he'd gone to sleep. The alcohol rushing through my system was pulling me to sleep as well, but just as I was starting to drift off, Luke's deep voice broke the silence.

"Cara." He slurred, running his fingers over my hand lightly. "I think I'm in love with you." He paused for a moment. I sat silently, processing the words slowly. "Actually," Luke continued to speak the words, a tired tone filling his otherwise happy voice, "I don't think. I know. I'm in love with you." He swallowed, taking a deep breath.

I laid, realizing somewhat the meaning of the words that left Luke's mouth. "I'm in love with you, Luke." I responded, gripping his fingers in my hand. The second the words left my mouth I knew I meant them. I undeniably had feelings for Calum, and I did love him, but I couldn't deny my feelings for Luke any longer.

I was too far into things with Luke to deny feeling anything for him, and I was sick of hiding my feelings. Lying there with him at two in the morning in a random hotel in a random town in Hawaii, I was finally being honest with myself. I loved Luke Robert Hemmings.

But the truth can ultimately destroy us.