Between a Rock and a Hard Place // c.h.

41 - Confessions & Cafés

Calum's POV
***

She asked me to meet her in California. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was in a hotel room with Luke somewhere, and the knowledge stung like a white-hot branding iron forced down my throat. Still, despite my best judgement, I boarded an overnight flight from Sydney to Anaheim. I didn't stay in Cara's town, I didn't want to risk seeing Luke. I wasn't sure how I'd react, if I'd be able to keep my cool when I saw him next. He'd done a truly horrific thing, and to think he'd called himself my best friend. I should've been more angry at Cara, after all, she'd been in the bed that night too, but I loved her more than words could describe, and I let my feelings crowd my thoughts, which had always been a weakness of mine. I landed in California at noon, calling Cara immediately after I left the plane. Her voice answering the phone brought a stinging pain to my heart, filling my chest with torturous thumping almost immediately. We planned to meet at a small, out of the way café. Not many people knew it existed, and I guess she didn't want to cause a scene. No news had broken of our breakup yet, though I was sure the fans would discover it soon, deeming Cara as a slut, whore, bitch, and whatever other disturbing words they could throw at her. The idea made me sick to my stomach. She'd done a horrible thing, but I still loved her with every bit of my heart, and would have given anything and everything to make her happy. The last thing a half-broken person needs is to be dropped and beaten more than they already have been. Yet there I was, sitting in a small metal chair sipping discreetly from a flask I had tucked in my jacket that I hoped would control my emotions better than I could myself. I heard the door open, turning to face the girl who had once loved me.

Cara's POV
***

   His eyes were empty, and seeing them hurt me so much. I was so tempted to turn, to run away from the pain I was forcing myself to endure. I had made the decision, I was pregnant. I'd known for five days now, but it still was completely unbelievable. I was pregnant by one of the members of a band who, several months ago, I would've died to see in concert. Seeing the potential father to my child, as well as the man who I loved with everything I had, it killed me. Cal didn't speak, he just looked at me, the blank expression on his face speaking volumes. I sat across from him at the small table, holding in any emotion I could manage. We hadn't spoken in person since our explosive fight, and I was terrified. I couldn't lose him again.

   "What did you need?" He asked soberly, though as he spoke he took a sip from a flask that suggested he was anything but sober. I didn't blame him for drinking, it seemed to be a good way to avoid overthinking, or thinking at all. I looked at him, worried if I spoke that I would cry, and I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry. I'd made the mistake, I didn't deserve to make Cal feel guilty.

   "Something happened." I swallowed, reaching across the table without thinking. My hand brushed his. He flinched slightly, but didn't pull away from the motion. "Cal..." I spoke, releasing the worry that had been on my shoulders for five days, "I'm pregnant." A look of stunned shock took hold of his features, and a hopeful glimmer appeared in his eyes.

   "Is it mine?" He seemed slightly happy, which confused but relieved me. I couldn't answer his question, however. There was a possibility that it was his, the baby, but there was also a possibility that it wasn't. So instead of saying anything, I gulped and looked him in his eyes, silently telling him the answer he didn't want to hear. "How could you not know?" Irritation filled his voice. I hated myself for putting him through the emotions I was, but I couldn't control much of it anymore.

   "I'm sorry." I whispered, looking at my feet. Before I could process what was happening there was a soft pair of lips brushing against my own. Cal kissed me longingly. I wanted him, and I kissed him back, slowly, passionately. He pulled away after seconds of our lips on each other's, gazing into my eyes sadly.

   "I still love you Cara." He announced slowly, brushing his fingers over mine.

   Fire filled my heart, my lungs. He couldn't love me. I shook my head, desperation seeing into my voice. "You can't." Before he could speak again, I continued. "How can you love me? When I'm a scarred mess and I'm tearing you and your best friend apart?" Tears of anger flowed from my eyes uncontrollably, crashing around me like rainfall. "When I have," I gestured to my stomach, the baby, "this!" I glared at him, angry that he loved me. Angry that he was still allowing me to hurt him, even though he knew I was bad for him.

"Because," he sighed, leaning backward into his chair, "nothing has made sense since the day I met you." His eyes looked me over as he continued speaking, his words clearly thought out. "We both love you, Cara, there's no questioning that. The real question is which one of us do you love and which one of us are you lying to." He rose slowly from his chair, clearly finished speaking. He walked to my side of the table, kissed my temple, and wandered out of the café. I sat speechless, unable to comprehend the situation that had just played out before my eyes.

I had to get away. Luke needed to go home, Calum needed to go home. They needed to be around people they cared about, people who could support them better than I could with my weak efforts.