Between a Rock and a Hard Place // c.h.

23 - Secrets

   'There are two kinds of secrets, ones we keep from others and ones we keep from ourselves.'

   The quote played repeatedly in my head. Like so many quotes before, I didn't know where I'd read it, only that it stuck in my head. In the couple of days since the kiss and the note, I'd thought of it a lot. The note and the kiss, I was keeping from Calum. God only knew how he would react if he were to find out. He might never forgive me, and the thought that he would hate me was horrible. It scared me enough to convince me to keep my mouth shut. Life found its way back into a pattern, things were going good. It was almost easy to forget the secrets that had been plaguing me. Another note didn't show, and it became easier to smile. Two concerts were down, Calum only had two more before the tour was done.

   When we traveled around Australia, I met Mali Koa, Calum's sister. She came to finish the tour off with us, she would be staying for the last two concerts, then going home with us. She was surprisingly easy to get along with. When we met, she pulled me in for a tight, welcoming hug. "It's so good to meet you!" She said, smiling with her bright teeth. She was gorgeous, it was easy to see how her and Cal were related. She was only four years older than him, but they seemed the same age, they were both so care-free and full of energy. "Cal's told me quite a bit about you." She smirked at her brother. The three of us talked over brunch, then Cal went with the boys to prep for his concert. Me and Mali talked for a while, and we got along surprisingly well. She was extremely easy to talk to.

   "I was so nervous to meet Calum's family." I blushed, smiling nervously.

   "Don't be!" She grinned, her smile spreading to her eyes. "You seem like you're with Calum for all the right reasons, and he's completely infatuated with you."

   "Really?" I smiled, happy that Mali seemed to like me.

   She nodded. "Whenever he talks about you he gets so excited. My parents are way excited to meet you. They're glad he found someone who makes him so happy." She smiled again, looking at her phone.

   "That's good, I guess." I laughed, blushing wildly. I didn't know Calum talked about me to his family. "So do you know where you're sitting at the concert tonight?" I changed the subject, hoping to calm the heat in my cheeks.

   "Cal got us both front row seats." Mali beamed, pulling tickets out of her purse. "We're sitting by each other, it'll be fun!" I smiled, it'd be nice to sit by someone I knew, and someone who didn't hate me because I was dating Calum.

   "That'll be great, actually." I smiled. "It'll be nice to sit next to someone who doesn't hate me." I joked, half-serious. Fans had somewhat settled down about me and Cal, but whenever new pictures were released of us together, the fire was fed and the drama picked right back up.

   "Oh yeah. Fans can be overprotective and jealous." Mali laughed nervously. "It just takes time. Once they've adjusted to you they'll start to like you." Her words comforted me. I liked Mali, she was really nice, and was very easy to talk to.

   My phone rang, shocking me out of the conversation. I looked at the caller ID and got excited. It was Abby, she hasn't contacted me since I'd left with Cal. Neither had Mads. "Sorry, can I take this?" I apologized to Mali, stumbling away from the table as I answered the phone. "Hey Abby, what's up?"

   "Shouldn't you answer that?" She asked, a mixture of anger and sadness in her voice.

   "What?" I was confused. Had I done something to make Abby mad? "You sound like you've been crying, what's wrong?"

   "Michael broke up with me. And Ashton broke up with Mads. Because of the tour." Abby explained, resentment flowing from her every word. "So we went to talk to you, to be there for each other. But you were gone. Your parents were furious with you. They didn't know -or care- where you'd went at this point." The words took me aback. I knew my parents would be mad, but I didn't think they'd be mad enough to disown me before at least seeing that I was ok. "You didn't call us or anything," Abby's words were filled with hurt. "We didn't know where you were until we saw it in a magazine. You went to Australia?! With the boys?" Her voice cracked slightly.

   "Yeah," I started, "I'm so sorry for not telling you Abby," she interrupted me.

   "I am too." She spoke coldly. "You should have stayed behind Cara. You just left me and Mads to be broken-hearted and alone because your boy toy was going to move on without you."

   "That's not why I left Abby. You know it." I argued, steam rising inside of me.

   "Then why?" She yelled at me. I froze. Abby never yelled, unless it was meant as part of a joke or something like that. But she never yelled in arguments. "Cara you went because you were thinking about yourself. You didn't care about anyone else. It's bullshit. It's bullshit me and Mads had to stay behind and you got to go." I went to interject, but she cut me off, yet again. "Fuck this, I'm done Cara. You wanna leave us, fine. But don't expect us to be waiting when you come back." She hung up. I looked at the phone, processing the millions of thoughts filling my head. Stress came over me, causing me to remember the note, the kiss, everything. I had to stand for a moment, trying to clear my head.

   I walked back over to the table, where Mali was waiting with a look of curiosity on her face. "How'd it go?" She asked politely.

   "It was a friend, she just wanted to check in, tell me she missed me." I lied. How many times had I lied since I'd left California? It stung to know I was keeping yet another secret from someone. Mali nodded, accepting the answer. We headed back to the hotel, freshened up, and went to our concert venue early. We watched the sound check and interviews, then waited in our seats as thousands of fans flooded the amphitheater. It reminded me of my concert, the one where everything started. When the boys launched into the music, I felt the reminiscent feelings of that night. I danced, sang, and laughed. For a while all the troubles in my head disappeared. For a while, I was just me, a normal girl, at a normal concert.

   Going back to the hotel room that night, I talked to Mali and Calum. They got along as most siblings do, teasing but meaning well. "Cal? Can you come help me with something for my blog?" She asked when we reached her room. "You can come too, Cara, if you want." I shook my head, thanking her for the offer.

   "I'll just head back to our room." I smiled at Cal, who kissed me on the cheek in response. I started walking away, but stopped at a door in the hallway. I knocked and Luke stood in front of me, smiling anxiously, running his hand through his hair.

   "Fancy seeing you here." He joked, smirking awkwardly. "What's up?" His expression changed when he saw the worry in my eyes.

   "My friends." I said quietly. "They're mad I came with you guys. And my parents. Everyone at home has disowned me. I don't have a family anymore." I should have cried when the words came out of my mouth, but I felt numb and emotionless, standing in front of Luke.

   "Cara. You do have a family." He grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. "Cal's your family, I'm your family. The other boys love you too. And Mali seemed to really like you." He smiled half-hazardously. "We all love you like a family." He reassured me.

   "Thanks Luke." I smiled sadly. "I just needed to talk to someone." Suddenly I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you for being there."

   "Of course. I always will be." He stroked my hair, gently hugging me back. "I'm always up to talk. About whatever, ok?" I nodded, stepping out of the hug.

   "Thanks again, I've got to go, but..." My eyes swept over him. Aside from Calum, I was the closest with Luke out of all of the boys. Over the last week, he'd become my best friend. We got along really well and he was an extremely good listener. "Thanks." I finished, swallowing. Luke nodded.

   "Bye Cara." He smiled and closed his door. I made my way to my room, thinking about all the secrets I had kept from Calum. He knew so little, and I told Luke everything. I didn't intend to lie to Calum, I just didn't want to make things hard for him. I crawled into bed, almost immediately drowsy.

   I dreamed of secrets and a sky-eyed boy with a lip ring.