Between a Rock and a Hard Place // c.h.

28 - Fake Smiles

   Guilt and hope do not mix well. I know this, because I sat on a plane bound for Los Angeles, for my family and friends I had left behind, my boyfriend of almost two months next to me. I had left everyone at home without warning, one day I'd been there and the next I'd vanished. Not that they'd come looking for me. My parents had all but given up on me, which was a horrible thought, but I was really scared about seeing my friends again. Calum's gesture of buying plane tickets back to my hometown in California was extremely romantic and very sweet, but it was also utterly terrifying. While Cal did know about the friction between me and my parents, he knew nothing about the fight I'd had with my friends. I clasped the papers I held in my fist tightly, they were notes. From Michael and Ashton to Abby and Mads. They wanted them to come on vacation with us, in a month. 'I hope to god they can forgive me.' I thought to myself, drumming the fingers of my free hand against my kneecap. The guilt of lying to Calum about my friends mixed with the hope that they'd forgive me was nauseating and completely frustrating. I wanted so badly to talk about my problem with he boy I loved, but I knew Cal and I knew he would blame himself, though it wasn't his fault I'd went to Australia with him. It was my own choice. Upon Cal's insistence, I'd acted happy to be boarding the plane that brought me closer to an awkward, and potentially dramatic, encounter with the two people I used to call my best friends as well as the people who had raised me through my life. But I was eighteen, so they couldn't really say anything anyway, right? When I was younger, my mother had been exceedingly strict with me, but after I got depressed I stopped doing stuff, so she loosened the reigns. God only knew how angry she was when she'd found out I'd traveled across the world with a guy who I wasn't married to. My father was more easy going than my mother, but still he was very religious and knowing that I'd traveled win Calum would also indicate that me and him had gone farther than a simple kiss on the cheek. I didn't even want to imagine how they'd react when I showed up on their doorstep. I could only hope that they would be happy to see me and not judgmental of my last-second decision.

   My friends, however, was a completely different situation. I'd been taking online classes while traveling with the boys, but the most likely place I'd see my friends was at school. Which meant I'd have to go back into the building that held so many terrible memories and face the people that I'd 'abandoned'. Knowing Mads, the encounter could either go really smoothly, like a happy reunion, or really dramatically. If it went on latter then things would get loud and people would notice. Videos would be posted on YouTube, especially because of my now confirmed status as The Calum Hoods Girlfriend. Thinking about Mads starting a scene made me sick to my stomach. I swallowed the fear and doubt I felt, putting on a brave face. I looked at Cal, who was sleeping peacefully in the seat next to me. His head was propped against the window, his lip hanging open ever-so-slightly. He snored quietly enough that I was the only one who could hear. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. A small smile plastered onto my face as I allowed myself to fall asleep as well, the visions of the hell that was coming dancing through my brain.

-

   Getting off the plane in my native California in late May, the heat hit me almost immediately, like a brick wall to the face. In Australia the temperature had barely stretched above a comfortable seventy degrees, but May in California meant that the low temperature was eighty-five on a good day. Calum called for a cab, then the fans noticed him. Girls started screaming his name, some of them even screaming mine. I smiled gingerly and waved at them, hoping to make a good impression. More of them smiled and waved back than I'd ever seen before. Me and Cal hopped into the small car, giving them my home address. I wanted to talk to my parents first, then I'd catch my friends right as school got out. The drive to my house, where I'd spent so much of my life growing up, was both nostalgic and terrifying. Mixed emotions filled my head, my heart, and my stomach, causing me to feel a million different ways. Calum touched my shoulder gently, and I realized I'd been squeezing his hand really hard. I loosed my grip, apologizing shakily. I was so scared, and Cal knew it. He kissed my head, trying to calm me down. When the vehicle stopped in front of the beige-colored building where I'd spent my life, I felt my heart leap. I hesitantly climbed out of the cab, gripping Calum's arm as I walked up the familiar cement pathway to the house. I knocked on the door, my stomach turning with every motion. I breathed deeply, releasing the air from my lungs as the door swung open. My mother stood in the doorway, a look of disdain on her face. The look was directed at Calum, who looked at his feet sheepishly.

   "Mom." I said, looking at her. She looked so cold, so angry. Had my mother always been like this.

   "Let me guess." She sneered at me, "you're pregnant or something of that nature because your precious little band boy showed you some fun?" She glared at me, her words stinging like a cut. Cal's face went pale, his eyes wide.

   "I'm not pregnant. I came to apologize for leaving. I wanted to talk to you and dad." My mothers look of disappointment and disapproval didn't falter, not even for a second. She glared at Calum, then me.

   "I'm not doing this." She said emotionlessly, slamming the door shut. I stood on the walkway, at a complete loss for words. It was true, my own parents had disowned me. I looked at Cal, who grabbed my hand gently.

   "It'll be ok, you've got your friends..." His voice tried to soothe me, to calm me down. 'Do I?' I wondered to myself, panic rising within me. If my parents hadn't been able to forgive me, would Abby? Would Mads? I was so worried. Nevertheless, Cal and I got back into the cab, driving to the high school. Seeing the building caused shivers to go up my spine. I had almost no good memories there, and I was about to create more bad ones. Cal wished me luck, staying behind in the cab while I walked into the red-brick building. My footsteps sounded hollow against the floor, my sneakers slapping the tile with light pressure. I walked to the computer lab, where Mads and Abby would be. I'd had that class with them before I'd left. I waited outside the door for only a second, collecting my thoughts and dragging in a weary breath.

   I pushed through the double doors, scanning around the room. All eyes turned to me, and two overly familiar heads stood out. Abby looked ecstatic, Mads angry. I hustled over to them. "Listen, I know you're mad, but the boys wanted me to give you these." I handed them the notes, hoping they'd read them instead of just throwing them away. "I'll be in a hotel somewhere around here, please call me if you can... Or want to." I said after a pause, biting my lip. I turned without waiting for a response, rushing out of the building before something bad could happen. The people in the classroom gawked at me as I walked away, as if they'd just seen a ghost. Everyone thought I was in Australia with my famous boyfriend, but they were half wrong. I walked with hurried footsteps to the cab where Calum was waiting, sliding into the seat next to him.

   "How'd it go?" He asked, stroking my hair with his long fingers. I beamed at him , hoping the words that left my mouth were true.

   "Very well."