Struggles In The Dark (A Carl Grimes Fanfiction)

I Did That

Luke's P.O.V
It's pitch black, the only light we get is from the moon and the stars. We never found shelter suitable enough to stay the night in. So now we lay under the stars, out in the open.

Carl thought it would be better to sleep in an open field rather than the woods. I agreed, if something were to come towards us, we would be able to see it before it's too late.

I offered to take the first watch, I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. I can't help but to notice Carl's bandages starting to unravel. They're going to fall off soon if we don't find some new ones. We should've taken some from Denise before we left.

"I can take the first watch if you want me too," Carl offers.

"It's been two hours, why aren't you asleep?" I ask.

"I can't fall asleep. I keep thinking about my dad. I left without any warning. He probably hates me. Michonne too. Everyone probably does."

"You know they don't hate you. They're probably even more enraged at Ron now. Everyone's probably just scared they'll never see you again. They're worried about you."

"They won't ever see me again."

"I understand why you wanted to do this, I do. But why not ever go back?"

"The damage is done, it can't be repaired."

"Who hurt you so bad that you've lost hope things will ever be the same again?"

"I did. I hurt myself that bad. My mom died giving birth to my sister. My sister didn't make it long after either. I shot my mother and my newly born sister in the head. I didn't want them to have to turn. I did that. When this first happened, my dad's best friend tried to kill him. He didn't win that fight. When he turned, I shot him in the head. He was like a second father to me. I did that."

Tears are building up now. I move in closer to him, putting my arm around his neck. Then pulling him closer to me so he could lay his head on my chest again, then I speak.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it."

"There was a walker that wandered onto the farm we were staying at. I was too scared to kill it so I lured it out into the woods and left it there. Later, in the night, it wandered back to the farm. It killed this old man, his name was Dale. Dale didn't deserve that. He was a good man. I got Dale killed. I did that."

I pull Carl over so his stomach and above is laying on top of mine. I hug him. I squeeze him tightly as I whisper to him.

"That's not your fault. You didn't kill Dale, the walker did. You didn't have a choice but to kill your dad's friend and your mom and sister. It was the right thing to do and you did it. You're a good person, Carl. Your past doesn't mean you're a bad person, it proves you're a good person. It proves you're strong."

He lays on me and silently cries, tears soaking my shirt. This is what Rick meant about Carl being willing to do anything. He's brave.

Soon Carl falls asleep and I lay there, looking at the stars. The night is cool, but that doesn't affect me any. Carl's body will keep me warm throughout the night.