Ass(ets)

boys don't cry// the cure

Kissing Noah was an odd juxtaposition of far too many thoughts and feelings.

Ella is trying to process the fact that she is kissing Noah. Not a Noah but the Noah. However, his touch leaves her focused on their physical actions, and so reigns in her wandering thoughts. The kiss is gentle but firm at the same time. She marvels at the care in which he holds her. He combines this with a sense of urgency in the kiss. As Ella would say simply and concisely the following Wednesday at 13:02 in the school dining hall "It was hot as fuck."

It has felt comfortable being in Noah's arms. She would dare say even safe. She hardly knows the boy but she knew he cared about her and that was enough.

He kisses like he had been kissed many times before. He kisses as if it were his first time. He kisses with cautious precise movements and then at times these would fly away with hopeless abandon and he'd be rough, needy, strong.

Ella has never been kissed like this. She supposes it is because they have a tumultuous relationship between them. All of that could be suddenly expressed physically. All of that could be channelled into the kiss.

As they break apart they rest their foreheads against each other's. Their breaths a little faster. Their cheeks a little rosier.

Ella can see Noah beginning to feel guilty. To feel ashamed of what they had just done. If anyone should feel ashamed it should be her she thought. He is the only innocent in all of this mess.

"I have to ask. Did you... Did you kiss me just to make James jealous?" Noah murmurs nervously.

"No," Ella says truthfully "but I can't say I'm not thinking about him now. I'm thinking about how this all fits together. But in the moments before, and while, I kissed you he was as distant as he could ever be."

Noah nods. One clear sharp movement that conveys he understands she spoke the truth.

Ella feels more than a little sad that the boy in front of her would perhaps always question her every move. Think of her actions as somehow premeditated, as somehow manipulative.

However, the truth was simple. She had wanted to kiss him, and so she had. Nothing more and nothing less.

Their timing was ill-fated. They were so out of alignment Ella almost felt as if Noah were a treasured secret to be kept away from her. They weren't supposed to be together. They'd had their chance once already. To test it again would be cheating their timelines.

And then the final blow. He was her great love's best friend. He was supposed to be off-limits. He was supposed to be out of bounds. And here she was having kissed him.

"It was just a kiss." Ella says. She says it more to herself than anyone else. She is trying to reassure her own mind. "No, it's never just a kiss" she contradicts herself "is it?"

"I'm not sure." Noah sighs.

"Can we talk outside?" Ella says. She can feel everyone watching and judging them as they sway on the dance floor murmuring between close bent heads. She wants her and Noah to judge and analyse themselves before everyone else imprints their own thoughts upon them.

He looks a little hesitant before agreeing with "Sure. Let's step out. I think we've made more than enough of a scene for one night."

They book shake their heads amusedly before heading out of the bar.

They stop a short distance away and lean against the wall.

Before either of them could even hope to begin forming words a striding, and clearly angry, figure approaches them.

James halts in front of Ella and Noah. He takes a deep shuddering breath and barks out "Why?" with such venom Ella cannot help but recoil.

He then takes another deep shuddering breath. This time in a barely there slow and drawn out whisper he says "Why?". He says it in such a fragile manner Ella cannot help but reach out her hand to him. She reaches out as she tries to hold back the tears that threaten to fall.