Ass(ets)

Foolish little girl

It is on April 1st at around 3am that Ella does a terrible thing. She does something that once it's over and done she can't take back. Ella likes to think of herself as a nice person. But all her kind acts are cancelled out by this one mistake. This one choice she has made changes everything.

It's the evening of March 31st. It's mere hours before Ella royally fucks up, but she doesn't know that at the time.

A few friends are out celebrating Alice's birthday. It's quite a small group at her house, a select group if you will, but everyone who matters is there. They eat far too much and drink far too little (Alice's dad is being a spoilsport on the alcohol front, but considering his daughter has just got back from a "yoga retreat" *cough rehab* it's probably for the best). Anyhow, Ella has never felt the need to drink to have fun so she doesn't mind it either way.

Perhaps that makes it worse. Ella was stone cold sober when she made a decision that would hurt so many.

It's a simple evening. Nothing is flamboyant or over the top. The most extravagant feature of the night in Ella's opinion is the chocolate fondant fountain.

Ella is not embarrassed to say she and James spend far too long dipping anything and everything into the fountain. A trickle of chocolate spills from the strawberry he is feeding her onto his hand. Unconsciously Ella licks it off and smiles a wide laughing smile. James stills. Ella's smile halts and then moulds into a light haughty frown. An act that had seemed so sweet and childish moments before was now charged with sexual tension.

Ella feels a longing for what she no longer has and so she quickly turns away. She conceals herself from him. So all James is left with is the sight of the girl he once loved hurrying away into the arms of his best-friend.

When Ella reaches Noah she clings to him. She tries to feel sure in her choice. She reassures herself that she's happy. She adores Noah. James doesn't want her anymore. Noah has always wanted her.

Suddenly Ella feels dizzy with everything. She's not sure how the three of them reached this point and she's not sure she likes it here.

"Are you okay?" Noah murmurs to her in concern. Ella nods but she wills Noah to see behind her sad sad eyes that she is not. They may be connected with each other, but the boy is not a mind reader. He nods satisfied and gives her hand a light squeeze before telling her he's just going to go catch up with Oliver from the rugby team and to save a dance for him later.

Ella smiles but she feels like screaming. Oddly she feels as if she's been abandoned. She's standing in the middle of a room with friends all around her, and yet she's never felt so alone. She feels clingy. She feels desperate. She hates the irrational feelings that are consuming her.

Deciding to clear her head space she grabs her coat and slips out into the night without saying goodbye. She thought she had gotten away unnoticed, but James, her darling James, had seen her. He lightly jogs down the pavement until he matches her pace. His slightly accelerated breath can be seen in wisps rising up against the cool night air. James says nothing but simply links his arm into hers, and he begins to walk her home. Ella will be eternally grateful for his presence. She needed someone and she was too ashamed to admit it, but here was James saving her once more.

She only wishes that all it had been was a walk home.