Ass(ets)

decomposition

"I can't believe I said all of that to you." James murmurs in a saddened voice.

Their friends had made a hurried departure from James' house. Now it's just them. They're lying on James bed. They're hardly touching save for their intertwined hands laying between them.

"It escalated so quickly. It scared me how fast we deteriorated." Ella says shaken.

"Hey don't say that. It was just a fight. I'm here now. We're still here." He comforts her and pulls her into his arms as he speaks.

"Sometimes I almost think I've imagined you. But then a heathy dose of reality kicks in. Of course it's normal to fight, but that got so ugly."

"I was trying to explain how I felt and it got out of hand." James pleads willing her to understand.

"I felt so defensive. You were judging me and I hated it."

"I'm sorry you felt that way. Ella, I don't care who you've been with before me. I really don't. I was just trying to voice that I was nervous about us and what we did to Noah. I didn't mean to start condoning your past."

"I don't think I'd ever cheat on you." Ella states.

"I know you wouldn't. We're going to last this time. I know it." James says kissing her lightly after his last words.

"You don't. Everything in the whole fucking world is uncertain, so stop lying to yourself."

"You seem angry. Why?"

"Because the boy I love more than anything judged me today, and you're still doing it even now."

"I just want us to stop fighting Ella. Please."

"If we don't talk about this now we'll just keep it to ourselves until it's unbearable. Tell me, why do you care so much about who I've been with?"

"Like I've said I couldn't care less about that. What I am bothered by is the fact you're still friends with most of your ex's."

"We've all grown up together. We've known each other for so long it's natural things would have happened. I'm sure if you were to start joining up who has been with who it would be a tangled web. But why should that matter?"

"It's incestuous." James retorts.

"We're friends not family." Ella says scornfully.

"You can't deny its pretty fucked up."

"There you go again. Judging. It's not like we've all had some massive orgy. Jesus James. It's not a big deal."

"Fine. I've pinpointed exactly what it is that's bothering me. Why are you so determined to be friends again with Noah?"

"So he's the ex becoming a friend you're so worried about? This whole fight has been about him?"

"Yes. Why are you so insistent on being his friend again?" James questions.

"Because we were horrible to him. Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty too?"

"This is more than just guilt."

"He was a really good friend to me and I'm trying okay? We were so cruel. This is my way of trying to make that better."

"You were hardly friends. You were just two lonely people hooking up. Isn't that what you said to me? You used each other and that isn't friendship. That's selfish."

"I've never slept with Noah."

"What?" James says almost incredulously.

"I'm not saying we didn't do other stuff, but mostly we would just spend time together."

"I didn't realise. I thought he was your fuck buddy."

"He was more of a buddy than fuck buddy. Yes, we were lonely. I just needed someone to be there for me. Sure, it wasn't always platonic but he was the closest thing I had to a friend at that point."

"Why didn't you come to me? I would have been there for you."

At this Ella sits up. She leans against the headboard and looks down at James' figure. There's something about her raised height that makes her feel more powerful. She feels more in control.

"Because that would have felt pathetic. You'd just broken up with me and everything was falling apart. I knew he had a bit of a crush on me and maybe I took advantage of that." Ella explains simply.

"You've always had lots of friends and people who care about you. I don't understand why you only felt you could get that from Noah."

"I was flattered. I knew he liked me and I think that made a small part of me feel wanted. He listened to me. He bothered to spend time with me. And it wasn't because he thought being associated with me would make him popular or because of how rich my parents are."

"I don't really know what to say. I thought it was just sex but... you really cared about him didn't you?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I was selfish, and so I relied upon him. I needed someone and he was there. I owe him for that."

"I understand. Noah was a constant for most of my life. With our families the way they are... he and I needed each other."

"He's kind. He was always kind to me." Ella says hugging her knees.

"In our own twisted ways I think we both loved him."

"Love?" Ella asks in surprise.

"We loved him the only way we knew how."

"No, we used him. We exploited his kindness. We played him to our benefit." Ella snaps bitterly.

"But what we did to him... that's not something you do to someone you love." James says in almost agreement.

"We're like leeches. We sucked him dry and discarded him when we were done. There's nothing loving about that."

"You make it sound so sad."

"No, what's sad is me not sleeping with him because I wanted at least one person to care about me and not just want to get in my pants. What's sad is the fact that your parents don't give a shit about you. What we did to Noah that's not sad. That was cruel and irresponsible. We abused his friendship." Ella says fiercely.

"You don't mean that about sex do you? You can't think that. You're so much more than that."

Ella turns her face away.

"Ella, look at me. God I think I'm about to cry. I care about you. I care about all of you. That's awful that you would think that." James trails off.

"Sometimes I think I was born a little sad." Ella murmurs distantly.

"I think we all are." James says quietly.