Ass(ets)

I'm yours

Ella is shaking slightly as they reach her door. Ella is not quite sure why. Perhaps it is the longing she feels for a boy that was once hers. Perhaps it is the anticipation of what is to come.

Ever so gently James places his arm around her back resting hesitantly at her hip. Ella smiles at the care in which he holds her.

They enter and make a pretence of hanging their coats and taking of their shoes. In these moments they stare directly at each other. They never break eye contact.

Ella leans into James and murmurs 'I've missed you so much."

James encircles Ella and holds her just so in his arms. Ella relishes in the feel of him and breathes in his warm and familiar scent. "I've missed you too." James sighs.

They make their way up her staircase. With every step they rise they leave all the reasons why they shouldn't further and further behind. The reasons fall away to the floor, and as they rise all they can think of is each other.

They enter Ella's bedroom. Their clothes fall away to the floor. They take time undressing each other. It's as if this is the last time they will ever share. It's slow and unhurried as they savour every last second. Or maybe it's because they love each other. Those overwhelming feelings make time drag and bend to their will.

They're completely unclothed now, and yet still haven't kissed. They're wary because they know once they start they will not be able to stop.

James cups her face with caressing hands. Ella tilts her chin up a fraction so they are eye to eye and their lips are only inches from each other.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I've never wanted anything as much as I want you right now. But you mean a lot to me, and I can't have you regret this. You can't regret me." James says sincerely.

As he speaks Ella can feel the small escapes of air brushing against her face. She smiles at his words. Ella feels wanted. Actually, she feels as if James needs her.

Wanting to hear exactly that before this is all over and done Ella asks "Tell me why you care so much about me. I've never heard you say why."

James "I love you so much. The knowledge of that is all that matters."

They move to lie curled up in each other's arms on the bed.

"You know the first time you told me you loved me was when you were breaking up with me. So forgive me if I don't quite believe it." Ella looks up at the ceiling blinking back tears and hoping that the boy she loves truly feels the same way.

James looks shocked "I'm so sorry. I think I've always known I would love you from that first morning. I have loved you for such a long time, and I just never said it." He says this while absentmindedly running his fingers through her hair.

"Love. Love. Love. If you say it too much it becomes meaningless. Tell me why you love me James." Ella asks almost desperately.

James begins trailing small kisses down her neck.

"I love that you speak your mind."
Kiss
"I feel so comfortable around you."
Kiss
"I can feel like myself when we're together..."
Kiss
"And you feel amazing."
Kiss

James groans and Ella laughs lightly at the last one.

"You look so beautiful when you're laughing."
Kiss
"You have an eagerness for life"
Kiss
"You care about me."

The kisses begin to trail across her collarbone now.

"You blush when I compliment you."
Kiss
James trails with his forefinger the rising pink blush across her collarbone and down between her breasts.

"But most of all you know what makes you happy and you go after that."

Ella stills at the last comment. It's because it's the exact principle in which she tries to live her life. Finally she feels assured that this boy knows her and that he love her.

So, Ella wordlessly reaches for him and finally they kiss. James makes her happy, and so she goes for it.

It's frantic, despite the slow lead up, and once they start it's almost desperate.

They're not making love, but they know that. It's sex. It's pure and simple sex. But nothing is ever pure and simple. Least of all sex.

Ella thinks that they're angry.

They're angry with the world. They're angry they're not together. They're angry that they've missed out on so much with each other.

But most of all they're angry because they know this is wrong, and yet they can't help themselves.