As Long As Forever

CHAPTER 13: As Long As Forever

Cannot touch
Cannot hold
Cannot be together

Cannot love
Cannot kiss
Cannot have each other

Napahugot si Mushroom ng malalim na hininga. It's the dawn of her eighteenth birthday at ganitong kanta ang bumungad sa kanya.

Must be strong,
And we must let go
Cannot say
What our hearts must know

Unti-unting bumalot ang kalungkutan sa paligid niya. She tried to dismiss the thought but his face fills her head and brought back the aches which she tried hard to forget. She should be stronger now. Pero ganoon pa rin. Nasasaktan pa rin siya sa tuwing naiisip ang kababata.

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone...

Ginagap niya ang dibdib. Pinahid niya ang luhang nag-uunahang pumatak sa pisngi niya at kinuha ang remote at pinatay ang stereo. It isn't good to start her day with tears. It's her birthday for goodness sake! Pero ang sikip na ng dibdib niya. At kahit ayaw niyang maalala'y pilit umuukilkil sa isipan ang mukha ng unang nagpatibok ng murang puso niya.

Mahigit isang taon na mula nang umalis si Gino. Mahigit isang taon na rin na wala silang komunikasyon. Tita Donna is still in contact with them though. Ang alam lang niya, okay si Gino. He's on boarding school kaya masyado nang naging busy. Kaya siguro hindi na siya nito naaalala. Kaya siguro nakalimutan na siya nang tuluyan. She could not feel anything but pain. Something too intense she could not almost bear. It is so unfair dahil ganoon lang pala kadali kay Gino ang limutin siya. Samantalang siya, walang araw na hindi niya ito naiisip, walang araw na hindi niya hiniling na nasa tabi niya ito, at walang araw na hindi niya nararamdaman ang sakit sa tuwing naaalala niya ito.

Nahagip ng paningin niya ang labas ng bintana ng silid niya at napatitig siya sa kabilang bahay. What used to be Gino's room is still empty. She wished she could bring back those days when Gino was still there. Because right at that very moment she missed him. She wanted to hear his laughter once more. She wanted to be inside his arms again. She longed to see his face again. She just wanted him to be with him kahit sandali lang. Pero alam niyang imposible iyon.

Now she knew why Gino made it clear not to wait for him before he left her. Maybe he has seen this. Maybe he knew he would enjoy his life there and he would forget about her. Maybe he has prepared himself he'll forget her in time... Or maybe it was hard for him, too. Hindi niya alam. She wanted to know. Kahit na nagmumukha na siyang tanga, she had always wanted to know everything that concerns Gino. A part of her believes he still loves her. A part of her knows he still cares. Dahil ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman niya. Kaya kahit anong pilit niyang limutin ito hindi niya magawa. At sa mga pagkakataong kagaya nito, hindi niya maiwasang maramdaman ang sakit. Dahil kahit anong pilit niya huwag isipin, gusto niyang nariyan si Gino sa espesyal na gabi niya. She wanted Gino to be her escort and her last dance. Si Gino na lang ang kulang sa grand cotillion niya. She wanted him to be there. Mas magiging kumpleto ang saya niya kapag kasama niya ito.

Natigil ang pag-iisip niya nang mag-ring ang cellphone niya. Hindi niya pinansin iyon pero hindi tumitigil sa kari-ring kaya napilitan siyang sagutin iyon. Nagtaka siya nang makitang private number iyon. Kaagad niyang kinuha ang cellphone at sinagot. Alam niyang si Dinah iyon. Simula pa noon ay ito ang nanggigising sa kanya sa tuwing birthday niya.

"Happy birthday!" masiglang bati ng kabilang linya.

Natigilan siya dahil hindi boses ni Dinah iyon. She felt a huge lump on her throat and she felt it so hard to swallow. Nanghahapdi ang ilong niya't mga mata. It's the voice she missed for so long.