Conversations From Afar

47 / babysitters club

kind of really into joel adams right now his humming is such a pretty sound

***

I let myself into the de Luca's, blanketed by the usual noise of laughter and affectionate ruckus. Cam arrives today at the ambiguous time determined by his drive, and Gabriel is babysitting a third of his siblings.

"Katiyah, is that you?" Gabriel calls from the second floor with an alarming accent.

Gabriel wields a knife covered in peanut butter and stands waving it around like the peanut butter messiah. "Can you please colour without the permanent markers, Alec?'

"It's for a project."

"You're getting it on the floor. Hey Kat, how are you?" He smiles brightly at me, and indicates I should join Vivienne and Akari on the couch. His hair is out of the usual corn rows today and surrounds his head in an impressive dark afro.

"You have peanut butter, here." I grin and lightly touch my nose. He frowns.

"Did you know my name is Japanese. Are my parents weird, or are they weird." Akari says, perched on the back of the couch with his legs on either side of Viv as he twists her hair this way and that.

"I didn't know that, why's it weird?"

"Because I'm Ethiopian." Gabriel drops the peanut butter jar dramatically, behind the bar counter.

"Who told you?"

He rolls his eyes. "Viv, tell me again how I start this waterfall  thing."

"Take two strands and pull them away from my face, then twist them." She replies, and lifts her eyes to mine. Her eyes are lined with pink eye liner; I've never seen her with make up. "I've missed you, Kat. You haven't visited in forever."

"I know, I'm sorry." Guiltily.

"I got a phone for my birthday, can I have your number? We can text."

"Yeah, sure."

"I have the peanut butter sandwiches," Gabriel announces, propping the technicolor plates along his arms like a waiter.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Riel starts from his position on the floor surrounded by VOTE FOR RIEL and DE LUCA IS THE REAL D(EAL) HERE posters. "I'm off peanut butter."

Gabriel frowns. "No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"Then what's that Reese wrapper there for?" Riel narrows his eyes. Gabriel triumphantly deposits the plate in front of his little brother before dropping to the floor at my feet. "Guess what's on right now."

"Oh, I don't know, a Barca game?"

He flips the TV on.

***

I escape upstairs after three because my melancholic feelings don't mix well with the soccer games and sibling bonding going downstairs. I let myself into Cam's room, and shut the door with my back.

The curtains are open like his mother recently threw them open and did a little dusting. The bed is made, and there are still a couple frayed phone cords near his closet. I can see a bottle of my Aveda moisturiser from ages ago on the dresser, and a discarded black hair tie on the floor by the bed.

I close the curtains and slip under the covers to curl up beneath the comforter. It only vaguely smells like him, like a memory of the shampoo he used to use. Like the cologne he used to wear.

Who he used to be.

I open Spotify on my phone and put my Ellie Goulding playlist on shuffle. I close my eyes and press my face to the pillow.

I'm scared to see him. To see the distance that seems to have grown between us manifest right in front of my face.

 Boy I got you on my mind  ...boy I got you on my mind...