Conversations From Afar

54 / regrettably

"Kat?" Gabriel asks, the first he's spoken in the ten minutes we've sat here. He's been stirring his oatmeal around the bowl and pouting at the table. I look up at him, wordlessly questioning. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Well, everyone has regrets but... I don't know, I guess."

"Remember in school, how I was such a... how I always slept around and just like dated anyone who wanted to who was pretty?"

"Mm." My mind can't get off the fact that he has always hated hot cereal with a nauseated passion.

"I wish I didn't do that. I regret that. Like, whenever Abby and I talk about before...I just feel so ashamed? It feels like such a waste, and it's not like I ever really loved them." The hot cereal makes moist sounds and my stomach turns. I close my eyes. "It's like... I don't know. I just feel stupid and bad."

"Well... is she weird about it?"

"No, but I'm weird about it. And like, I don't think I would care if she had slept with a ton of guys, in the grand scheme of things, but since she was just with her long-term awful boyfriend... I guess I compare myself and it's like, not a good comparison." He covers his cheeks with long fingers and props his elbows on the table, leaning close.

"Gabriel, you can't change the past, you know? You've just got to move on."

"Well, did you feel weird about what Cam did before you guys met?"

"No really."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly, and Gabriel it was all before you even met her."

"But, does it ever scare you that he might do it again? Like, I don't know, just do it again."

Not until now. "No, I don't."

"Okay. Do you think I'm a slut?" He sits up, as if readying himself for a once-over.

"There's no such thing as a slut."

"Okay." He smiles, and pushes the hot cereal away. "I don't know why I bought this, it's disgusting."

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Edit:
1) stop hating on gabriel pls it's not his fault there is now a seed of doubt
2) there's nothing wrong with what he did in high school, and there's no reason for him to feel regretful about it don't shame people it's not nice

i'm so tired i'm hiding in the physics lab watching shadowhunters w my friend instead of class whatever