Conversations From Afar

48 / out of tandem

finished me before you and ok um I have never felt so happy and heartbroken and fulfilled and hopeful and satisfied by an epilogue, than this one. it was excellent I loved it I can't wait to cry in the theatres

also i watched the first 5-i think-episodes of shadowhunters and the writing is awful but i think it's improving but i am going to keep watching because alec was (the only one) perfectly casted and his lines aren't stupid and way he looks at jace when they do parabatai tracking and also when magnus talked to him omg adorbs

*****

I'm dozing when I hear shoe-footsteps in the hallway. My phone is charging on the floor with one of the frayed cords, and the room is silent as the door opens, and softly shuts.

I blink against the pillow as he walks closer, and listen to the sound of feet sliding out of boots, and coat sliding over cloth. Without pause, he sits on the bed, his hip by mine.

He peels the comforter back, and it's not much lighter outside of the covers than beneath them. The curtains let in enough light that I can see the edges of his face, the line of his nose. His hair is pushed up away from his face, and he's wearing a dark hoodie pulled up around his neck by movement. He appraises me, and I don't sit up. He doesn't move.

"Are you awake?" He finally asks, his voice soft and familiar. It takes me back to nights before, the summer, those evenings of lying in his room in darkness, just being. Speaking hushed about ice cream, galaxies and the merits of Netflix original shows.

I nod, because words don't feel as easy as they used to. Because he doesn't feel as far away as I thought he would.

I sit up, against the headboard, bringing my knees to my chest. He leans across the bed sideways, on his hand. My eyes adjust and his become something more than shadows on either side of his face. He studies me, silently, his mouth pressed into a thoughtful line.

"Why are you staring at me?'

"What happened to hi, it's nice to see you?" His mouth tilts up into an almost-smile but it doesn't reach his eyes.

I clear my throat, letting my eyes drift past his shoulder. I feel chastised and it makes my skin prickle. "How was the 12-hour drive?'

"Awful," he replies, quickly. "Why are you hiding in my old room?'

"I was tired of socializing but I wanted to wait for you." The smile reaches his eyes this time, but he doesn't reach for me. I see his free hand move a fraction, but he curls it into a fist against the bed.

Time stretches and silence the space between us.

"Kat..." There it is. He looks worried, but the kind of worried he hides beneath smiles and tilts of his chin. The kind of worried that only touches the corner of his eyes, but stays there.

"I'm sorry." I rest my chin on my knees, hiding behind the barrier of legs. I'm not even sure what I'm hiding from. "I know you travelled all this way and..."

He sits up and scoots closer, folding his legs Indian style and knotting his hand together. He's close enough to touch, if I wasn't hiding behind my knees. His narrows his eyes, analytical and a little hurt. "I feel...like you're scared of me or something."

It feels so tense and quiet and dark. I want to reach out and let his fingers slip between mine, but I also want to hide under the blankets and go to sleep for a long time.

"I just...you feel so far away and now you're here and I don't know how to..." I shrug and push my hair away from my face. It's almost completely out of the ponytail.

He watches me and looks young. Worried and sad and young. I lean back and cautiously he reaches over, his hands encompassing my knees. I place my hands on top of his, and he smiles a little bit.

"I don't like feeling far away from you." He says, tugging on my knees a little. I let them fall, then we're sitting knee to knee, eye to eye. He holds my hands in his and we sit like that, hands joined between us like a blood oath or some kind of creepy ritual. I giggle, and he bites his lip. "It's like we're summoning Magnus, right?'

"You don't summon a warlock." I roll my eyes but smile when his fingers squeeze mine softly.

"Hmm, guess we'll have to read the books again."

"Mm..."

"Let's get out of here."