Isabelle: "This pudding tastes weird."
Emily: *tastes it*
Emily: "Mmmm titty pudding"
Isabelle: *breaks out laughing
Emily: "oh my gosh I meant to say tasty pudding!!"
---
Emily: who wants to hear the sex story of me and this fruit snack?
Everyone awkwardly stares at Emily
Emily: Anyone..? ...This is why I don't have friends.". *eats fruit snack*
---
Jenna: "Emily tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr. Day!
Emily: "I had a dream... That all the little whites... And all the little blacks... WERE PLAYIN' TOGETHER!!"
Jenna dies laughing
Emily: "That is how it goes right?"
---
Jenna and Emily are sitting in the 9th Grade hallway together. Kid named Preston walks by casually. (He's annoying)
Jenna: omg Emily I dare you to ask Preston to be your valentine!
Emily: NO!
Jenna: okay but the next person you have to.
Emily: fine.
*10 seconds later history teacher Mr. Antonutti walks by*
Emily: Hey Mr. Antonutti will you be my valentine? (Yelled in front of everyone)
Mr. Antonutti: HA-HA-HA (fake laughter) looks at her very seriously "no."
Emily: *eats popcorn* this is the reason I have people problems..
---
Jenna and Emily are walking in the hallway
Emily *murmurs something that's hard to understand*
Jenna: did you just say your mom is gay?
Emily (hesitating) s-sure. How did she meet my dad then?
Jenna: let's go tell Maddie.
They go over to Maddies Locker.
Jenna: guess what Emily said.
*Emily blushes*
Maddie: What?
Emily: I said my moms gay.. According to Jenna.
Maddie slams her locker breaking into a laughing fit.
---
Emily and Ashley are waiting to get their iPads fixed in the library.
Emily: oh my gosh.
Ash: what?
Emily: look how ratchet this is, a tissue as a book mark!! :holds up Shane Dawson's I Hate Myselfie Go read it:
Ashley: I've used cereal before.
Emily: I used your mom as a book mark.
Angie comes out and stares at us, our faces red from laughing.
Angie: what's the problem with your iPad.
In Emily's Mind: that's not the only problem we have...
---
Lunch:
Everyone is gathering around.
Jenna: let's play what are the odds.
Emily: ok, what are the odds that Dylan will lick this orange covered in ketchup.
Dylan: I dunno
Jenna: out of 5.
Emily: true, I wanna see this.
They both end up saying 3.
Dylan lathers the ketchup and takes a bite. Before almost puking.
Emily: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LICK IT!!
Dylan runs over to the garbage can before he literally almost projectile vomits all over us.
Emily: sorry..
---
Emily: EVERYONE IS BEING A BITCH
*looks down at uniform and grows warm.*
Emily: the cheer life.. Isn't an easy one.
---
Emily is holding goldfish when Maddie walks by.
Emily: you jealous?
Maddie: YES
Emily: (clutches goldfish to chest): Yeah well you should be
---
At Jenna's birthday party.
Emily: Jenna?
*Everyone groans because they know what's coming*
Emily: Can you describe a queef?
Jenna: No.
It's 3 am and everyone is trying to fall asleep.
Emily: The best time (giggles) to wear a striped sweater...
*Everyone tells her to shut up*
3 minutes later
Jenna: Is all the time...
