The Knowing Secret

Chapter 39

The next morning came and I forced myself out of bed. My eyes were swollen and my throat was sore from crying. The bags under my eyes proved I had gotten very little or no sleep the night before. I stepped passed the pile of used tissues on the floor and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I was going to get a shower and clean myself up so no one would know what happened, or at least how hard I had taken it. As I turned the water on a tear threatened to fall. I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes a few times refusing to allow another tear to be shed for him.

When I walked down to the kitchen my mom eyed me questioningly. There was no doubt in my mind that she had heard me crying, but I held my head up high and pretended I didn't notice. I ignored the worried feeling that seemed to fill the entire kitchen and quickly grabbed something to eat on the way to school.

When I reached the door I let out a sigh of relief. I had made it out of the house without having to answer a single question from my parents or even talk to them for that matter. I knew they had some idea what had happened, but not talking about it seemed to make it easier. Not talking about it meant I could pretend it never happened. Now I had to prepare myself for what school would be like. What rumors would have spread by now? What would happen when I had class with him? What would happen when I saw him? Would I be able to keep the tears back?

"Riley?" Leah's voice came from behind bringing me out of my thoughts. "Is Sam still gonna play games with me?" she asked.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and shook my head. Then I quickly walked out of the house before having to explain anything else to her.

When I walked into school everything was worse than I had thought. Everyone's eyes were glued on me as if they were waiting for me to show weakness. I heard them whisper as they watched me, but I tried not to listen or even feel what they were feeling. I was trying to be numb to everything and everyone around me. What made things worse is that the few friends I had left were nowhere in sight. It wasn't until lunch that I finally saw a friendly face except the questions and looks that came with them made me wish I hadn't.

"Hey, Riley, we heard what happened," Becca said, as she took her seat beside me. I nodded as I took a bite of my sandwich. I wasn't hungry but I figured if I had something in my mouth then she wouldn't expect me to talk. "It's not that I wanted to listen to the rumors..." she said, but I stopped listening to her. My eyes were scanning the room for Sam. I hadn't seen him all today and I figured this would be my last chance to spot him. "He's not here, Riley." Becca said, when she realized what I was doing.

"What?" I asked, speaking for the first time today.

"Sam isn't here. Rumor has it that he came into school really early today to take his finals. He was probably gone before you even got here."

"Oh," I replied, turning my attention back to my sandwich. I had felt the tears threatening to fall but I held them back.

"The weird thing is," Becca went on to try and make me feel better. "Evan's gone too. But he just disappeared. Corey said that he went out to get some take out last night and then just never returned. She's pretty messed up about it. But his parents don't seem too worried. Apparently he has done this kind of thing before."

"Oh," I said, again trying not to think too much.

"Maybe you two should talk," Becca proposed. "It might help."

I looked around the cafeteria and found Corey sitting at a table surrounded by people who were feeling sorry for her. Corey on the other was a little upset about her boyfriend's disappearance but was mainly enjoying the attention she was getting. "No, it won't."

My phone went off and my heart leaped like it did every time I got a text now. I couldn't help hoping that it was from Sam. Letting me know he was sorry and that he didn't mean anything he said. That he was okay. However I glanced down to see the first text I had gotten from Jay in days.