Cold-Hearted

Sixteen

Sixteen

Gel's P.O.V.

"Okay ka lang ba? Ano? Ayos na ba yang puso mo?" Tanong ni Lucien. I faced them and smiled tsaka tumango. Dahil sa nangyari, mas gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. I felt free. I continue signing the documents needed para sa upcoming event.

"Hindi ka ba nahihirapan niyan?" Tanong ni Oli, pertaining to the sunglasses I'm wearing. Mugto na mugto kasi ang mga mata ko, and this is so a no no. Honestly, nahihirapan ako, meydo mahapdi pa rin ang mata ko pero kakayanin.

Pero hindi nawawala sa isipin ko ang nangyari kanina, palaging sumusulpot na parang kabute sa ulo ko. Yong mukha niya, yong ngiti. Napailing ako. I shouldn't be thinking about him. Pero hindi ko talaga maiwasan. Sometimes I doubt if the decision I made was right. Kung tama bang hindi ko tinanggap ang friendship na inoffer niya.

Ayoko na talagang maging magkaibigan pa kami. I don't want him into my life anymore. He had done a big damage, and that's the end of it.

"Wala na ba siyang ibang pinaliwanag?" Oli asked. Umiling ako. Everything he said, sinabi ko sa kanilang tatlo. They deserve to know, baka may maibigay pa silang words of wisdom sa akin.

"He thinks it was a puppy love." Mahina kong sabi sa sarili ko. I sighed. Somehow, that hit me. Akala ko kasi pareho kami ng nararamdaman, akala ko nga rin mas matindi pa yong nararamdaman niya kaysa sa akin. Turns out, I'm wrong. Mas malalim pala ang naramdaman ko sa kaniya.

"So, what's the next step?" Lucien asked. Naisip at naitanong ko na rin iyan sa sarili ko.

"Maybe, sasagutin ko na si Elair." I keep my promises. Bukas na bukas ay sasabihin ko sa kaniya ang magiging desisyon ko, and I knew that I won't regret it kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na okay na ako.

"You love him?" In how many years kaming magkasama, it's impossible for that not to happen. Tumango ako.

"I do...but in a different way." I said. Just awhile ago, I just read or kinda found on my notifs, a quote or more like a fact, I don't know. It said that we can experience all kinds of love, but never the same love twice.

"Paanong different?" Lucien asked.

"I don't know. Basta!" Sagot ko. I can't explain how different it is from the love I feel for Avix, years ago. Fine, I'm comparing. It's just so hard to forget...those.

"How about Avix, you still love him?" Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong magreact sa pagbanggit pa lamang ng pangalan niya. I don't want to be affected anymore, I want to be free.

"Hmm, hindi na. I'm totally free." I said. Nakita ko silang tumango and then I smiled. I smiled even though there's pain inside of me. I can't, I just don't how to escape this pain. Napakagat ako sa aking labi. I'm lying to myself.

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Avix's P.O.V.

She was still the same Gel that I knew and learned to love. Mas lalo lang siyang gumanda, lalo na nang malapitan. Hindi ko maitago ang mga ngiti ko sa kaniya. Masayang-masaya lang ako na nasa harapan ko na siya ulit. Pero mukhang kinakabahan siya, ako rin naman eh.

Hindi ko alam kung ganoon ba talaga ang tamang reaksyon nang magkabangga at magkita kami. She was staring at me, as if doubting if I am really real. I thought that she'd slap me or punch me but she just...stared. Mas kinabahan ako dahil doon.

"Did you...love me?" Napangiti ako nang maalala ko ang mga panahong iyon.

"Yes..I did love you." In fact, I still do. Hanggang ngayon.

"It's a different kind of love. But maybe, I was really disappointed. You didn't fight for the love you had for me, for the love we had for each other. You're a coward!" I looked straight into her eyes and I can see the pain that I've expected to see. Parang dinidikdik ang puso ko, knowing that the pain in her eyes are my fault.

"It was not right! It wasn't the right time. You know nothing!" Singhal ko. I told her to chase her dreams because that is what her mom wants! And it's not me. I'm not that dream.

"Because you told me nothing! You just left me hanging! Ni isang paliwanag wala diba? So anong karapatan mong manumbat na wala akong alam gayon ikaw naman ang may kasalanan kung bakit naging ganito! Kung bakit nagkanda leche leche ang buhay ko!" And that broke my heart, seeing her cry and letting out all the pain and frustrations. Hindi ko na napigilang yakapin siya. She was crying and I hate to see her this way. I hate to see her like this. Kasi alam ko na ako ang may kasalanan nito.

"I'm so sorry Gel. I'm sorry." I kept repeating. I know that this is not the best way to make up with what I've done. I hugged her tightly. If only I can hug her like this everyday, if only I could comfort her like this everyday, I gladly would.

Pagkabalik ko sa bahay ni Minzy ay tulala lang akong napatingin sa kisame. Paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa akin ang imahe ni Gel na umiiyak, na nasasaktan. Karma ko na siguro ito. Napabuntong-hininga ako. There's no way for me to be close to her. She rejected the only way I know. She doesn't want us to be friends, clearly she doesn't want me in her life. Ramdam ko ang isang patak ng luha na lumabas sa aking mga mata.

I can't believe this. Ang sakit. Sobra.

Tumunog ang doorbell kaya naman napakunot ang noo ko. Hindi niyon si Minzy, she has a key to her house, papasok iyon kapag nakarating na. I tried to stand up kahit ramdam ko ang panghihina ng katawan ko.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay bumungad sa akin si Olivia at isang suntok. "Fck!" Napamura tuloy ako ng di oras.

Napangisi ako. De ja vu. The last time that I got punched by her ay iyong hinatid niya si Minzy na lasing na lasing. Ano nanaman kasi ang kailangan ng brutal na babaeng ito?!

"Why didn't you tell her the truth?" Bungad niya.

"Gusto mo bang pumasok muna?" Agad siyang pumasok at nilampasan ako. Dumiretso kaagad siya sa sofa para makaupo. I sat in the couch in front of her.

"Ba't hindi mo sinabi? That might be the way for you two to fix the things you have to fix!" Ahh. Alam ko na ang ibig niyang sabihin.

"I don't want her to hold a grudge. Baka ako pa ang dahilan kung ba't sila mag-aaway. And besides, kung sasabihin ko ba iyon may maganda bang maidudulot? Sa tingin ko wala. I just don't want to destroy her, I ruined her, and I'm not taking that risk again."

"But she deserves the truth." Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya. I know, minsan ko nang pinagkait sa kaniya ang katotohanan, and I'm doing it again, because I know this is for the better.

"Kung malalaman niya, sa tingin mo makabubuti ba iyon sa kaniya? Nasira ko na siya, mas sisirain ko pa ba?" I don't want her to suffer again.

"You don't have plans on mending the wounds you've caused?"

"I'm saving her, Olivia, from the pain that it might cause. As for that, how can I mend those kung ayaw niya na akong maging parte ng buhay niya?"

"You're an idiot!" Napapikit ako at naghintay sa suntok niya pero walang dumating. I opened my eyes and she was already standing.

"You just don't understand me. That's all." Napabuntong-hininga ako.

"Maybe I don't. Fine then, hindi na kita pipilitin. Just don't regret not telling her the truth." Umalis na siya at sakto namang dumating na si Minzy. She greeted me and I answered with a smile. I feel so tired today. I went back to my room and closed my eyes. Iniisip kung tama ba ang naging desisyon ko.