Falling Dawn (II)

Chapter 4

On my first Wednesday officially unemployed, I looked forward to watching Sam and Emma do sports in the afternoon. If I'd been lucky in the past, I'd managed to watch the last five minutes of their games. Conveniently, the basketball and netball halls were right next to each other. Both kids had already ensured in the morning that Tom would come along, too. I don't think he would have stayed away anyhow. It made me happy to see how fond the twins were of him, and Tom of them.

It was lucky that Emma's and Sam's games had been scheduled back to back, so we got to watch them both play in full length. They were so proud to have us watch, and Tom had such a great time watching them. Just like me, before Emma started playing, Tom had no idea about netball, but he soon understood the similarities to basketball. He showed an amazing interest and gave Sam a lot of advice during the break. As it turned out, Tom had also played basketball in his youth. He was such an interesting person. I couldn't wait to get to know the whole man.

I'd always felt guilty for not having been able to attend most of the kids matches, but I had to work. There hadn't been an alternative. What would happen now? Tom had given me my home back, insisted I keep the money. That money was nothing to him, it was everything to me. It would mean I could watch my kids at every game. I couldn't accept it though, but I also couldn't return it. Tom would feel upset over it. How could I ever pay him back?

Tom's phone rang on the way out to the car park. When he opened the screen, I saw from the corner of my eye the name "Birgit" light up. Tom excused himself before stepping aside, out of earshot. His glance was lowered to the ground while he appeared concerned. I tried hard not to watch him, distracting myself by talking to the kids about their games. Wasn't Birgit the name he used when he spoke to someone in the ensuite in our second night together? I looked at his face, but he gave nothing away. I shouldn't be suspicious. He never gave me reason not to trust him. It didn't work.

"I thought you left your phone at home?" I whispered, trying hard not to sound bitter. I was good at early judgments.

"I did. The work phone. This one is my private one. I left you the phone number for it, and also my home phone and work phone. You never called." Was that supposed to make it any better?

The kids got impatient in the car, so I decided to drop it, but at home, when they were both doing their homework, I had to pick up the topic again.

"Have you got many friends in Germany?" I asked, hoping not to get discovered.

"No, not really. Why?" He was quite surprised by my question.

"I was just wondering. It's none of my business but you never talk about anyone. I was just wondering who calls you on your private mobile." Oh yes, I was a champion at hiding the aim of this conversation.

"Everyone who's not business related. I was hoping you'd call." He was avoiding the question.

I am probably just exaggerating. If Tom has or used to have a relationship with Birgit, he could just admit it, and also if he had a son, or several kids. That's at least how it sounded when I heard him talk to Birgit. After all, I had two kids. There was no need for me to be suspicious. 

That night, after Tom had fallen asleep, I took out my iPad and googled "Tom Mayer & Birgit". Not a single usable search result. "Tom Mayer & child". Nothing more than rumours and speculations. I was paranoid. But Tom had never given me any reason not to trust him. He had been nothing but honest from the start. I decided to drop the topic and move on. We had much worse issues to overcome if we were going to make this relationship work.

Sitting next to my beautiful man, watching his gentle features, I wondered again about all he had been through. How much would his past affect our future? It all seemed fine for now, but what when everyday life hit us? I understood that Tom wasn't ready to talk about his past, but I wanted to find out more. I needed to know. I had already read all the main blogs and websites, but I needed to understand more about what happened in the type of facilities Tom grew up in. Without thinking about it further, I went on Amazon, looking for books to order, hoping they would shed more light onto the topic.