Car Pool {c.h.}

1.9

"no." i say cluelessly, hoping i can play it off.

"i heard, esme. i heard you say you were thinking of ending it." his eyes look innocent, he ruffles his hair. " we haven't even gotten to the good stuff."

"will we ever get to the good stuff? i feel like we are on a constant cycle, and it's not exciting."

"you want excitement?" he nearly yells, leaping out of the bad and picking up his shirt and pants that he took off earlier. "here's your excitement." he slams my bedroom door and storms out, leaving me alone.

emptiness filled my insides. no zoe. no calum. no one to hold me down. no one to love. and it was just 3:45 am.

i didn't even know if they had fixed the buses yet. meaning i had to walk to work in just a few hours.

i crawl out of the bed made for two, pulling off calum's shirt and pulling on one of my sweaters before going into the kitchen. i stirred a cup of tea, the liquid warming my touch.

i no longer felt like myself. ever since my sister's first outburst, i knew i hadn't been the same. i had lost myself.

after finishing my cup of tea, i stumble into the bathroom, starring into the mirror, until it begins to fog. i pull out the scissors from the drawer, tugging my hair straight. the snipping sound is relaxing in an odd way. change was good, almost always. with out change, things are constant and boring.

i glance to the fallen hair on the ground. it was a lot. but change was good. i needed this.