The Light behind your Eyes (My Chemical Romance)

Chapter 15 October/Julianne

October

He looked at me one last time before closing his eyes. It was the most grievous look I'd ever seen and it broke my heart. The metal bar dropped from my hand and clattered across the floor. Falling to my knees, I leaned into his chest and cried like never before. I continued to talk to him as if he could hear me.

"I'm so sorry... I never wanted to hurt you, but I knew you'd never go if I didn't do something. Please don't be mad at me." I pulled the letter off him, folded it back up and returned it to his pocket.

"I know you'll make sure this gets to the right place. Live well, Frank, and live free. But always watch over your shoulder; you never know where they could be. If I do ever get out of here, maybe I'll look you up. Who knows, by then you and Jamia might be married with babies of your own," I sobbed. "But please never forget me, Frank."

I kept my face buried in his chest until I heard Eddie lightly treading on the steps only a few minutes later. Quickly I sat back on my heels and tried to wipe the signs of emotion from my face.

Eddie rushed in and whispered, "You ready?"

"Yeah," My voice broke slightly, and I cleared my throat to cover it.

Slowly, he turned to me. "You alright?"

When I answered, I looked to the floor, or away from him so he couldn't see my face. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Okay, well I've got to get this over with. You know you have to stay here though, right?"

"I figured. Thank you, Eddie, and good luck."

He nodded, picked up Frank and hoisted him over his shoulder. "Damn he's a heavy fucker," He groaned. He turned to the door, and with a start I realized that the letter was poking slightly out of Frank's pocket. As quickly as I could, I reached over and pushed it back in with a finger.

Eddie turned and kissed me softly on the cheek, looked up the stairs, then headed out. I could hear him struggling up the stairs with Frank. Then I couldn't hear him anymore. He was gone.

I'd been holding my breath, because I didn't want Eddie to hear me cry. When I was satisfied that he was gone, I turned and collapsed on Frank's side of the bed. The tears came easily and didn't go away. I could smell him on the pillow, the blanket, myself. I wanted to die. My heart recoiled against me, telling me what an idiot I'd been. Should I not have done this? My emotions tore me apart. Eventually I fell asleep, smelling him, seeing him, hearing him, touching him.

"I'm going to break her fucking neck!"

"No, Dad. You're not going to touch her,"

"I'm going to break her neck, and then I'm going to break yours!"

I'd been awakened a while ago, by the sound of Roger and Eddie's fighting. Obviously, he'd found out what we'd done, but now he was on his way to me. I backed up against the wall that the bed was pushed against; there was nowhere to hide. Frank had been right. I was going to die now. The door flew open, hitting the wall behind it. Roger stormed in and sprang across the bed at me. He started throttling me and smashing my head into the wall, again and again. Closing my eyes, I waited for it all to be over. Eddie somehow pulled him off and threw him to the floor. Roger laid there, his eyes wide with fury.

"Leave her alone, she's mine now; I have her! We made a deal, Dad, him for her."

"You're such a stupid fucking idiot. She just wanted her little boyfriend to be safe. She doesn't care about you and she never will. She'll never be yours!"