The Light behind your Eyes (My Chemical Romance)

Chapter 16 Julianne

Julianne

I was awakened by Dominic, who was shaking my shoulder. "Julianne?"

I opened my eyes and regarded him warily but didn't respond.

"Hey," He said, sitting down beside me and wringing his hands. "I wasn't going to wake you up, but you were crying in your sleep."

"Oh, well," I sat up, straightening out my aching neck, "I had a bad dream."

"About October?"

"No," I lied, "It was just something stupid."

"Oh. Um, I guess Gerard rented us room at a hotel just down the street. Do you want to go?"

I shook my head. "Not really. They might be moving him tomorrow. I kind of wanted to stay here to I could have another chance to talk to him."

"Oh, I see. Do you care if I head over there, then?"

"No, not at all."

He studied his hands when he spoke next. "I'm really sorry for what I said to you earlier. I know it hurt you, and..."

"Yeah, it did hurt me," I interrupted.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I had a long talk with Gerard, and he told me how you've been beating yourself up all along. It was wrong of me to kick you while you were down. I know it wasn't your fault; they would have gotten her whether you were with her or not. I don't know why I thought you could have stopped it."

My eyes started to burn with tears again. "Dom, don't."

"Don't what, apologize?"

"No. It's too much, and I can't handle it right now. I understand why you said what you did, I really do. But none of it matters. What we say to each other isn't going to bring her back. I think we should just give up."

"Give up? Julianne, I can't believe you're saying this,"

I laid back down into the position I was in when he'd found me. "I just can't handle looking in your face. When I see the hurt there, it breaks my heart even more, I don't want to know what you're going through. This shit hurts me enough, but she's your wife, the mother of your child!" I grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed. "October is so lucky to have someone that loves her so much. Do you think that if I were the one who was missing, there'd be any guy at home worried about me like this? No. October didn't even know what she had. She took you for granted,"

Dominic stared at me, his mouth gaping. "Well, you know that goes both ways."

"She had it though, she had it all. You came home to her every night, and..."

Suddenly, Dominic was on top of me, kissing me. Much to my own dismay, I returned the kiss with fervor. His hands started on my face, and then trailed down the sides of my body. I let it happen, admitting to myself that I wanted this.

My wits returned at last, however, and I pushed him away. "Oh my GOD..." I shrieked, jumping over the back of the couch and away from him.

"Julianne, I'm sorry!" He scrambled up and walked to me. "I don't know why I did that,"

"Like I don't have enough to feel guilty about, now this."

"I thought you wanted me to..."

"No, I did not want you to."

"Well you kissed me back. I thought..."

"Maybe I did. Dammit, I don't know."

Someone cleared their throat from behind me. It was Gerard.