The Light behind your Eyes (My Chemical Romance)

Chapter 21 Frank

Frank

I gazed around at all the faces of October's family members. I knew they hated me; I knew they blamed me for what happened. They were right. I had gone in there to be with her and protect her from Dominic, and instead I had fallen asleep and let her die. She'd died. I couldn't believe that after everything she'd been through, that we'd been through, that she would take her own life this way. She'd lived through hell and made it back, but she just couldn't take it. I watched Aiden, with Dom's arm around his neck, walk up to the casket and retrieve a rose from the arrangement. His little hands shook as he reached up to pulled the biggest, brightest red rose from the bunch. I saw Dominic look at me out of the corner of his eye; he wanted to make sure I was watching this. He wanted me to know the pain I'd caused. I don't know why I came here. I couldn't face any of October's family members. Watching the tear-stained faces of her parents, her brothers, and especially little Aiden...it made me want to die as well. Gerard laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I resisted pushing it away. I knew he was trying to help, but I didn't deserve help. I needed to wallow in my guilt right now; I had it coming to me.

As the pastor reiterated the last rites, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..." I closed my eyes tightly and began to shake violently. She never knew how much I really loved her, and that was the only thing I couldn't live with. I heard the crowd gasp as I pushed my way forward, but I didn't care. I knew what they were thinking. What's he doing here? Fuck them.

"Frank," Gerard called as I threw myself on top of the casket, feeling the flowers crunching beneath me.

"October, Come back...  Come back to me!" I screamed as flower petals got stuck in my suit and fell to the ground while everyone gaped.

"Someone get him out of here," I heard Dominic order.

"FRANK," Gerard yelled, grabbing my shoulders.

"Frank," He yelled again, giving me a good shake.

"What the hell?" I jumped up and my forehead nearly collided with his.

"You were dreaming again, I think," He told me with a concerned look on his face.

As the images came rushing back to me, I shuddered. "How's October?" I asked quickly.

"Same, I guess. They aren't letting anyone in to visit her right now, so unless they come and tell us we have no way of knowing."

I nodded, sat up and stretched. "Where's Dominic?"

He shrugged. "Who fucking knows? Leaping off a cliff, hopefully."

I had to laugh at that. I couldn't agree more. After we'd discovered October's wrist, and what she'd done, Dominic and I had an all-out brawl. Punches were thrown, and we were both nearly removed from the hospital. The fight still wasn't over, in fact. He blamed me for it, because I had fallen asleep. This was true, and I felt awful for it, but I would never admit anything like that to him. I had been so tired from rushing on a plane immediately after hearing she was out. After all these months of worry and sleepless nights, I guess I finally felt okay, and I slept soundly for the first time in a long time. It had been very bad timing. I didn't hear October get up, go into the bathroom, and retrieve a razor. I don't even know why a razor was in there. The nurses explained that a previous patient must have left it there, and it was somehow missed by housekeeping when they'd cleaned. October hadn't missed it, though.

Before I'd fallen asleep we'd had a long talk, and I knew she was upset but I thought I'd calmed her down. She was having very conflicting feelings about Dom and I, but I promised not to put any pressure on her whatsoever. Dominic still would, I knew, but I couldn't speak for him.