The Kick Back

Peace before Michigan

My last night with Antonio would be one I would never forget. Standing at his door at one in the morning was nothing but trouble. The way his eyes pierced through me, I knew I had to bring the challenge. Not very many words were exchanged before it all went down. My timing was perfect for what was about to take place. His parents had just gone to bed, and Gabby stayed the night with a friend. Usually we wouldn't have sex with his parents in house, but in this case I didn't care. I had to go out with a bang and this was the perfect night for my madness. I felt Antonio's eyes on me as I walked into the living. Sitting down on the couch I began thinking about how to perfectly execute my plan. If I knew Antonio right, he would do everything that way he had always done it. Tonight it was time for something different, something that would blow his mind.

Sitting on the couch Antonio walked up and stood in front of me. Looking down at me I knew what was up. From there it all went down. Five hours straight of hard core love making brought us closer. This would be the last time that him and I became one. This would be the last time I would ever smell his scent, hear him breath, laugh at his corny jokes, or watch him sleep. The summer and school year brought on a lot of bitter sweet moments, and this last night with Antonio would be one of them.

Antonio was one who was never ashamed to show his emotions. A sense of sadness filled the air as things were coming to an end. Everything slowed down as Antonio broke down. "I hate that you have to leave me. I love you and now are moving on with your life. I'm going to miss and I really don't know how Im going to function with out you." he confessed. Sitting up on the couch I wiped the tears from Antonio's face. "We love each other and all, but it's time for me to move on, Antonio. This isn't the easiest thing for me at all. I don't want to up and leave you, but I can't stay in Oakland anymore. My time here is up. Everything that I ever had is gone and it's not coming back. I've finally come to terms with the saying, what's broken don't fix it. I'm not willing to keep cutting myself on broken glass." Tears welled in my eyes. "My new life starts when I step on that plane, and honestly Antonio Im really looking forward to it." Reaching out Antonio pulled away. He was hurting and it was evident. Something that was supposed to be a summer fling had turned into something deeper than we both understood.

We decided to go one more round before I headed out. Antonio's body was worn out from our previous rounds. He was no match for what I had given earlier when we first started. A normal session for us I'd tap out, but on this night I had him begging me to stop. The louder he moaned and grunted let me know that my plan was executed the way it I had planned. His parents would soon wake up to a naked passed out Antonio in the middle of the living room floor. I would sneak out like a thief in the night. Antonio would sleep throughout the day and when he woke up, I would be on my way to Michigan. My plan was to make our departure as easy as possible. Having Antonio see me off would be too emotional on both ends, so I decided to wear him out all night and leave while he slept.

Our night of passion was printed in mind. I could never forget the things that Antonio had taught me. Over time I had truly fallen in love with someone other than myself and my family. He was my first love and I would never forget that.

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Sitting in the bathtub my body was beat from the night before. Bruises on my thighs and breast stung from the heat of the water. Sitting back Antonio's reactions played back in my head. The way he moaned, grunted, stroked, pulled, and beat confirmed that I had finally gotten the best of him. I had no regrets of waking his parent's up during our night of passion. As pissed off as they were, they would never find out that it was me who had their son laid out in the middle of the floor. In the end everything we had done that night was worth him getting caught.

Caught in my thoughts time had slipped away. Stepping out of the tub I proceed to get dresssed when something caught my eye. An old ultra sound of my first child laid on the night stand by my bed. Picking the ultra sound up off the night stand, tears fell from eyes. I always struggled with forgetting that I was once pregnant before. God only knew that I missed my baby. Pretending that I had gotten over aborting my child wasn't easy. Even though the circumstances were shitty, that was still a piece of me that had died. Wiping my finger across the picture, a cold hand touched my arm. Looking over to my left side sat a small little boy who looked at peace. He smiled and wiped the the tear from my eye. The smile on this little boys face never changed as he sat in my lap. Looking at me we locked eyes. His hand touched my face as continued to wipe the tears that were falling. His little voice melted my heart. Confusion fell over me, until I realized that this little boy who looked so precious and peaceful was my son. Laying his head on my shoulder his little voice spoke out, "Don't cry mommy I'm in a better place now. You don't have to cry anymore, I'm not mad at you mom I understand why you did it. Please don't cry..Im OK. Mommy I can't stay long but I want you to know I forgive you and I love you." Before I could tell him I loved him back, he was gone. His words had hit me like a ton of bricks. My son had forgiven me but I hadn't forgiven myself. That moment with my son was everything I needed to really start the healing process.

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Sitting at the table I took one last look around the house. All the memories that my and family and I created in this home was now packed up. Someone else would create newer memories with a fresh start. No one deserved to move in a home that was once broken. I was proud of the work I had put in to make this house a home for someone new. Hopefully they would create peaceful memories. Once I locked the doors to this house my parents once owned, whatever problems came about would be someone else's. My hands were clean of that house, and I wanted to keep things that way.

Breaking my daze I began writing a letter to Antonio. This would be my truth's for truth, my declarations, my confessions. Hopefully he would understand where I was coming from and why I really made the decision to move. I would go on to write a three page letter. I couldn't deny that I was in love with this man. We had grown together, fell in love, and overcome a war between the blacks and Hispanics. God had truly placed this man in my life for a reason. Every man that had passed me up because I wasn't what they wanted, Antonio was brave enough to pick up the package. I fell short at times but truthfully I was a good woman. He had everything he had been looking for in me. It still hurt that the times that I needed him he wasn't there, but my heart was too big to hate anyone. I had forgiven him the day I packed my things and left that Garcia residence. Antonio would read everything in the letter that I would leave behind.

As I got up from the table a smile crept across my face. I closed the letter and wrote Antonio's name on the front. I knew Antonio like a book. By the time I took off he would be at my old place reading the letter, but what he didn't know is what would happen next.

A yellow cab pulled in front of the house beeping the horn. Grabbing my bags it was time for me to go on my journey. Walking up the cab I took one last look at the my old house. A sense of happiness had fallen over me. I would be leaving on a good note. Placing my bags in the trunk of the cab, I remembered that I had forgotten something. Running back in the house I quickly placed the plane ticket next to the letter. Running back to the door I remembered one more thing. Standing over the letter and the plane ticket, I placed an ultrasound under the letter. It was official I was three in a half months pregnant. I hid it well for this moment.

The love of my life would be on a plane to be with 'us'. Little did he know I had already set up things for him to work closely with an art teacher who taught special needs children. Once he stepped foot on that plane Antonio's life would change. He would be a father, a school teacher, and a Michigan state student. Oakland couldn't keep Bonnie and Clyde confined in its trapped walls. It was time for us to venture off and experience new things. Love conquered all and thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Garcia I had their good graces to take their son out of the hood. He was in good hands, and the love I had for Antonio he would always be safe.

Running out to the cab, I jumped in the back seat. As the cab rode off I said my last goodbye's the house I once grew up in. turning my attention to the ride of head of me, everything from that point on would now be in the back of my mind. It was time set things up for my family. Antonio had a three hour flight ahead of him. Me and the baby would be up waiting for daddy to get home with dinner ready. I was excited for the future, though we were young God had us and I knew we would make it through whatever was thrown at us. If we had survived Oakland, I knew that we could take on Michigan without a doubt.

Oakland it's been real... Michigan State here we come....