The Kick Back

A Change of Heart

Maria had been asking me for days to come to one of her doctor's appointments with her. I dreaded actually having to face the fact that we were having a baby together. The last thing I wanted to do was actually see the proof on the ultrasound. But the morning of the appointment, my father had answered the phone. Maria pleaded with him to convince me to go with her. And after that long lecture he gave me the night i told them that she was pregnant, he wasn't about to let me slide as far as anything having to do with my child. He made me get my ass up out of the bed and attend that appointment with her. I was upset for the better part of the morning, but things changed during that appointment...a lot.

I sat down in the waiting area while Maria went to go and sign some papers before the ultrasound. The atmosphere was eerily calm. I almost felt at peace there and I had no idea why. A woman walked in with a newborn baby in a car seat. I couldn't help but notice that she was alone and there was no one there to help her carry both the seat and the diaper bag, and her purse. Being the guy that I am, I wasted no time rushing to her side. I grabbed the diaper bag and the baby's seat and helped her over to a seat near the front desk. "Thank you so much. You didn't have to do that, I had it." she told me. I nodded and replied, "It's no problem. And I'm sure you could've handled it. But why watch you struggle when I see you need help. It's really no problem at all." She started pulling some paper work out of her purse as she continued to talk. "I only wish my baby's father thought like that. He feels like I should do all of this while he's out doing what he wants to do and working. I guess he says this is woman's work and all he should be doing is providing for our daughter." she told me. I thought it was a damn shame. A father should be there for emotional and financial support. I couldn't believe that there was someone out there that called himself a man, that would allow the mother of his child to go through what she was going through. It burned me up inside.

"Well, if I'm ever around again, you know I'll be helpin. I just feel like he should be here." I told her. This perfect stranger was making me think about a lot. It took a lot more than simply making a baby to be a father. And the way you treat your baby's mother is a reflection of you as a man. I didn't want someone thinking of me the way that I thought of her baby's father at that point. I hadn't really been too involved with the pregnancy thus far and I had to be forced into anything that concerned my child. But at that moment, I decided that I didn't wanna be a punk. And despite how I felt about Maria, I needed to be a real man and not just physically be there, but mentally and emotionally as well.

"So do you have any children?" she asked me. It took me a few seconds to respond because I honestly didn't know how to. I turned and looked over at Maria, she sat down in a chair and touched her stomach, staring down at it. It was almost like she couldn't believe that she was expecting either. I looked back at the woman and said, "Yeah...I got one on the way." She smiled and replied, "Congratulations. I know his or her mother is very happy to have a father like you in her kid's life." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I did wanna be the type of Daddy that Maria was happy was in her child's life, not one she dreaded seeing or didn't expect shit from. I wanted to be a good Dad above all else. "Yeah...I would think so." I told her. Once she was settled, I went back to sit with Maria and be by her side. I watched as she looked around, I could tell she was a little uncomfortable. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in a little closer. "It's okay...everything will be fine." I told her. As hard as it was for me to be there for her, I knew that I had to be. I didn't wanna be cold anymore and my life wasn't all about me anymore. Slowly but surely, I was realizing that.

About twenty minutes later, we were in the back room getting ready to see the ultrasound. Maria laid back while the ultrasound tech got her prepared. I was nervous as hell. This would be the first time I would ever see my child and that was enough to make me break a sweat. Once she turned the machine on, she placed the probe inside of her. Luckily, I couldn't see it happening but I was well aware of what was going on behind that sheet. She placed something on her stomach and in that moment...I heard a heartbeat. It was strong...steady...and it meant everything in the world to me as soon as I heard it. Maria looked over at me and smiled. I was staring at the screen and listening to the heartbeat, in awe. I had never been so proud of anything in my life. This was my son or daughter and even though I was going to meet him or her early, I was real excited for it to happen. She grabbed a hold of my hand and squeezed it tight. "That's our baby, Antonio." she said, smiling harder. I smiled at her and held her hand tighter. We now had a life long bond. Any drama that had unfolded didn't matter to me anymore. From then on, all I wanted was to be the best that I could so that my child could be proud of me. Anything else, had been pushed to the back burner. I was over it...all that mattered was my kid.

__________________________________

After the appointment, I decided not to go to school. It didn't make sense when I had missed half the day anyway. Instead, I stopped by the store and then headed home. Once I got there, once again there was a surprise waiting for me. There was Stephanie, sitting with Gabby on the porch. "What you doin home, Gabrielle?" I asked her, hoping she had a good explanation. "Half day...or did you forget?" she asked in a smart ass tone. "Get in the house." I told her. She didn't waste any time getting smart again, instead she took her ass in the house because she knew better. Stephanie stood up and I walked up to her, expecting her to throw a punch or slap me again. "What? You wanna beat me up in front of my people's house? You wanna cuss me out? Whatever it is, let's just get it over with." I told her. I wasn't in the mood for any drama so whatever she wanted to do, I wanted her to get it out of her system. Surprisingly, she reached out and hugged me. It shocked the hell out of me. I didn't think she would ever wanna see me again, let alone have any kinda physical contact with me. "Congratulations...I hope you're happy." she said, pulling back. "If you need me, you know where to find me." she said, walking towards the sidewalk. I wasn't gonna say anything but something told me that I needed to say something. "Hey Steph!" I called out to her. She turned around and gave me her full attention. "Thanks." I said. She nodded and then continued her walk back to her side of town. I stood there for a few minutes, making sure that no one bothered her before I lost sight of her.

Something in me still cared...I couldn't forget about her...