The Kick Back

Angel

Maria had been trying to reassure me for weeks that I had nothing to worry about and that the baby she was carrying was definitely mine. I found myself trying to develop a timeline in my head just to make sure that things added up. On one hand I felt silly, on the other hand I felt like I was well within my rights.

It was a hot night May when I got the phone call that Maria was in labor. It took both of my parents to help me snap out of the initial shock and head to the hospital to be by her side. Graduation was approaching and I had just dealt with an event from my past that led to me sitting in jail for a while. My mind wasn't prepared for the birth of my son, but I had to force myself to get ready for his arrival. If he was truly mine...

I don't remember too much about Maria's labor, all I remember was that he arrived about six hours after I had made it to the hospital. I had seen him for one brief moment before they whisked him away to get cleaned up. It hadn't set in yet that I was now a "father." My mind wouldn't wrap about it. I already felt close to the kid and just to think that it may not have been mine was sending me over the edge. All I could think about was what other nigga have been running in Maria while I was and why was she lying about it if she was. I forced myself out of that headspace though. There was an innocent baby in the world that would look to me to be his father, all because that's what Maria was putting into both of our heads.

After about thirty minutes, a nurse entered the room with Maria, her Aunt, and myself. "One of you can come with me while she's resting. He's all cleaned up and ready for pictures." The nurse said, smiling as wide as ever. Jennifer motioned to me to go ahead and I did just as I was instructed. It was a long walk down that hallway, I was nervous, scared, anxious, and somewhat happy. There was a good chance that he was my son and if so, I was responsible for helping bring a beautiful new life into the world.

She walked me up to the glass window and pointed him out to me. His eyes were wide open and he seemed to be looking dead at me. I felt my heart warming and I smiled hard. I started waving at him as if he could wave back. It almost looked like he was smiling back at me. It was so funny to me that this new little person could have the effect on me that he was having. At that moment, I wanted more than anything for him to be mine. It didn't matter that I didn't care too much for Maria or that Stephanie still had some type of emotional hold on me...all that mattered was that he was my son and that I loved him and I knew he loved me already.

_________________________________________

Stephanie was leaving. I wouldn't be able to see her off because I was at the hospital spending time with my son. She boarded an early flight to Michigan and she was on my mind heavy. All I knew was that she was gone and I would probably never see her again. I had to be okay with that. I had another obligation now and that was my baby. I would miss the hell out of her, but I had to accept the fact that we wouldn't be together. It killed me, but having a new baby soothed that pain a little bit.

Throughout that day, my mother, father, and Gabby had come to see the baby. They were all just about as happy as I was. My parents had been disappointed but the moment they saw Santiago, it was like none of that shit mattered. We were a family and he was the newest addition. It almost seemed like he was bringing us closer together just by being there.

After my family left, Carlos made his way up to the hospital with Marco by his side. It was odd to see them together, but then again there was probably a reasonable explanation for that. They walked into the room as soon as Maria finished nursing Santiago. They looked down at him and smiled. "Look at him, he's a true lindo." Carlos said, gently touching his head. Marco smiled and then shook my hand. "Congratulations. He's beautiful." he told me. I nodded and replied, "Thank you." They spent a few more minutes looking at him and commenting on how cute he was. I was just happy that everyone that mattered to me was there for me. My happiness was soon interrupted when Marco called me out. "Ant, let me speak to you for a minute out in the hall."

We walked out into the hallway and made our way down to the family waiting area. Marco made sure it was empty before we walked in and sat down together. Once we did, that conversation began. "Listen, I know you may not want to hear this...but this girl is making you look like a mentecato. I've heard things and I remember telling you some of these things when you were locked up. But it's like you're either not hearing me or don't wanna hear me. But listen to me good...get a blood test and get one before you become too attached." I nodded in agreement. As much as I had been celebrating Santiago's birth, I knew that there was some loose ends that needed to be tied. Maria was very capable of infidelity and that had been proven. It was even more possible that another guy was the father because we had only been sleeping together. We weren't a couple, we weren't anything other than friends.

"I'll do what I gotta do. Whatever the results are, I'll just have to live with it." I told him. He patted me on the back. "Good man. I heard your girl left today." he said. I chose not to respond. The last thing I wanted to think about was Stephanie departing on top of things with Maria. "I know your heart, man. I've known you since you were a little guy walkin around in training pants. I know it hurts. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always around." he told me. That right there nearly made me break down, but I kept my composure. I had bigger fish to fry and I was definitely gonna handle my business. "Thanks, man. I appreciate that." I told him. He shook my hand again and then stood up. "I'm gonna break out...I'll talk to you soon. Adios." Marco said, walking out of the room. I was left with my thoughts. I didn't know what to do next, but I had some decisions to make and fast...