The Kick Back

A Place Beyond Waters Edge

My day has already started out long and I wanted nothing more than to end the night in peace. I made sure to take the long way to water's edge. The place where Antonio and I had fallen in love. Our secret sanctuary. For some strange reason I found more peace at water's edge than any of the other spots we would sneak to meet up. Antonio was the only guy I had gone against the grain for. To me that was true love. During my walk to Water's Edge I found myself thinking about my talk with Mrs. Garcia. She was right about everything. I could've sat and apologized a million times. I never meant to hurt anyone. My heart was too big to intentionally hurt others. Despite having being hurt by him I was still deeply in love with him. I knew he had moved on, as he had every right to do so. Tears rolled down my face as I had finally come to terms that he and I would never be together again. Andrea had his heart and I wanted in no way, shape, or form to come in between that.

Placing a blanket in the same spot Antonio and I would sit, I began to cry uncontrollably. Deep down I was heartbroken. No one was to blame but myself. Last I knew he was in love with this girl. The same love and emotion he shared with me, he was now sharing with another woman. I couldn't hate Andrea at all. She was only doing what any other woman would have done. Looking across the water reality had snuck up on me once again, I would be leaving Oakland without Antonio. That was again another consequence to my actions. As I looked over the water I heard my mother's voice in the back of my head, "Sometimes we have to love a person enough to let them go. If it's true love it will find its way back." A slight smile covered my face. Antonio's happiness meant the world to me, and if Andrea made him happy, then I was happy.

The time spent at Water's Edge help me to realize a lot. Leaving Oakland without telling Antonio I was pregnant was beyond selfish, holding on to a love that was obviously over wasn't helping anything, being selfish to the twins by holding on to the past. How I never sat down and told Mike thank you. Mike had been a very big part of my life and not one time had I actually shown him my appreciation. I vowed not to leave without sitting down and talking to Mike.

Silently I prayed for God to repair everything that was broken. For those who I had hurt to forgive me. Coming back to Oakland was a big eye opener for me. In a matter of a few weeks my life was about to change again. My babies would be here, my son would be having heart surgery, and the whole recovery process. Not only did I fear this surgery but I feared what would happen to me. This surgery was so risky I could lose my life in the process of birthing my babies. At this point I was willing to give it all up for them. Long as Antonio pulled his part our children would be okay, if for whatever reason he chose not to, Mike was more than willing to take the twins and raise them. Either way everybody would be alright. I made sure that I had money put up, jobs lined up, and I paid my apartment off. I had life insurance policies put up for the twins, and I even managed to put up a little more money to give Antonio.

If my last days would be holding and kissing my babies then I was fine with that. As far as I was concerned I had accepted everything that I couldn't change. Me possibly losing my life was one of them.

Antonio I have to tell you that I love you one last time before I fly back home...