The Kick Back

Grass is Always Greener

After a couple of months, the girl in the admissions had become the new girl in my life. We didn't have a title but we didn't necessarily need one. We both knew what it was. And even though I hadn't had any physical contact with Andrea other than kissing, I was satisfied. Being with her and spending time with her had seemed to breathe some sort of new life into me and that's what I needed. To my knowledge, there had been no secrets between us and there was no pressure. We weren't in some deep intense love, it was just fun and more importantly, it was easy. Everything between us seemed to flow together so well. She was cool and I appreciated a personality like hers. It wasn't hard to see that I was smitten with her, and everything that happened to me before didn't seem to matter much at that point. I was enjoying my life. Andrea knew about both Maria and Stephanie but she didn't bug out about it. She just told me that God takes you to things and then he walks you through them and at the end of the day I would be alright. That just made me feel even closer to her. I wasn't ready for love and love wasn't ready for me. But I was opening my heart in a much deeper way...a different way.

I had been holding onto a grudge that seemed to grow even more pointless by the day. It had gotten to the point where I didn't quite know why I had been avoiding Stephanie, especially when she had been carrying my child for close to six months by then. I felt guilty. I was there for a child that turned out not to be mine, but I had been absent in my own child's development. The shit was driving me crazy, but something inside me was holding tight to the grudge that had grown deep down inside of me. One Saturday afternoon, I woke up and decided that I was no longer gonna run from my responsibilities. I needed to be there for Stephanie and our child and that was more important to me than anything or anyone.

Just like old times, I hit up my best friend Mike and asked if we could have a conversation. Talking to Mike always helped me to clear my head and he always had good advice for me. That was my homie despite everything we had been through. Aside from that, he seemed to be the go to guy for anything that I needed to know about Stephanie. I wanted to know how she was doing and I wanted to know how he thought that I should go about things. I needed this...and I knew Mike would keep it real with me.

I walked up to the front steps and Mike was sitting there waiting for me, smoking the last bit of his cigarette. He flicked it onto the walkway and made room for me to sit down by him. We shook hands and then things fell silent. I felt awkward but I knew that I needed to get things off my chest. "So how you been, homie? How's everything?" he asked. I just shook my head. Things were fucked up and he knew that, he was just waiting on me to say it.

"I've been trying to keep my head above water. It ain't been the easiest thing to do but I've managed to do it so far." I told him. "How's the family? Your Moms, Pops, and Gabby, are they alright?" he asked. I nodded. My family had been good and my parents were doing well. They were even thinking about renewing their vows and it just made me happy to see them happy. Gabby was readjusting to life. She was no longer focusing on guys and what they were doing. She was focusing on herself and what her future would be. It was good...the only wrench in the game plan was Stephanie and our unborn.

"You talked to Stephanie yet?" he asked, staring at me like he could see through me. I shook my head and replied, "No...I just ain't been ready to. How is she?" I asked him. He took a deep breath, which let me know that there was something up. I felt my heart drop. I only hoped that there was nothing wrong with her or that she hadn't aborted my child like she had done her Uncle's. I hated that that thought still plagued my mind but I couldn't help but to think about it. Before I got too anxious, he opened up. "She's fine. But I got something to tell you and maybe it should come from me. You guys will have other things to talk about once you see her." he said. In that moment, I panicked. "What are you talkin about and what do you mean when I see her? I don't even know exactly where she is and ain't no tellin if she'll come back here, man."

Mike put a hand on my shoulder and took another deep breath. "I'm your best friend and you know that, homies til the end and I wouldn't lie to you or say anything to you if I didn't know the facts." he said. I nodded. "Yeah, man...just tell me what's goin on with my baby." I told him. He was silent for a moment and then he corrected me, "Babies...you mean what's goin on with your babies." I threw Mike a confused look. "I'm not even thinkin about Stephanie like that, man." He immediately jumped in and corrected me again, "I'm not talkin about Stephanie, homie. I'm talkin about your babies. She's havin twins." My mouth dropped and I shot up. "She's havin what?" I asked, making sure I didn't hear him wrong.

"Twins, man. She told me not too long ago." he confessed. "What the hell?" I sat back down, feeling like I was about to pass out. Two babies? I had abandoned two babies and neglected to be there for Stephanie during what I was sure had been a difficult pregnancy so far. "Are you kidding me?" I asked, needing a little more reassurance. "Yeah, man...congratulations." he said, not knowing what else to say to me. I smiled to myself once the initial shock passed. I had two babies on the way and I was sure that I wanted to be there for them even if me and Stephanie being together was out of the question.

"But...there's a problem. I think she should be the one to tell you what's goin on." he told me. I was scared and in denial about there being any kind of problem. All I could think was, what the hell is going on? "I need to talk to her. How can I get in contact with her?" I asked. He fell silent one more time and then said,

"You won't have to go too far...because she's here."