The Kick Back

Knight Fall

I spent most of the days before graduation reflecting and spending time with Stephanie. Things between me and Maria had gotten really rocky, but we were trying our best to remain civil and co-parent. She didn't want me around but she needed me to be a father to Santiago. I didn't wanna be around her but I needed to be around my "son." Everything in me wished that I hadn't crossed that line with Maria. But I couldn't take it back...he was here now and every regret would have to be pushed to the back of my mind. I loved that kid and there was no turning off my emotions.

Stephanie was preparing for her move. After graduation, I would be forced into saying goodbye to her. The thought to move with her had crossed my mind more than once since the night of the back to school parade. But, I had a son and I needed to be there for him more than anything. Still, I needed to know if he was really mine before she left. I wasn't sure if a negative result would make me decide to move with her, but I needed to know just in case.

It had been a while since i had even talked to my father, let alone have a serious conversation with him. But I needed some advice really bad. I wanted to believe that maybe Maria just didn't know that someone else was Santiago's father. Another part of me believed that she knew and that maybe she just didn't like him enough to want him around as much as she wanted me around at times. I was at a loss, and I was sure that the only person that I could talk to about things was him.

About two days before graduation, I picked up my shirt and slacks for the ceremony and went right back home. He was outside working on the car and I decided that it was time for us to talk. We would have some privacy and he would keep it as real as possible with me. I walked up to him and watched him for a moment. "Can we talk for a minute?" I asked him. He looked up at me and sat his tools down. "SI, que esta pasando?" he asked. I sat down on the steps and he walked over and sat down with me. "It's about Maria and the baby." I said. He smiled and shook his head. "Nervous about being a father for the first time? Son, you gotta do what you have to do. Don't make the same mistakes that I did. It's alright to be nervous, but don't run from your responsibilities." he told me. I smacked my lips, he had the wrong idea about everything. "That's not it. I would never be a coward like you were." I snapped. He let my comment slide, and asked, "Well what is it, mijo? If it's not nerves then what it is?" I didn't wanna tell him about the situation because him as well as the rest of my family had fallen in love with Santiago. It wasn't just me. But just like I needed to know the truth, so did they.

"I been hearing things...I'm not sure the baby is mine. Usually I wouldn't let all that talk shit bother me but somethin tells me I need to find out for sure." I confessed. He shook his head. "Damn...do you know who else she could've been sleeping with at the time?" he asked. I shook my head, "No...I don't even think I wanna know." He touched my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. I was breaking inside, I had been strong for so long. But something in my heart knew that he wasn't mine. No matter how much people said he looked like me, no matter how many of our facial expressions were the same, I had a strong feeling that the same blood wasn't running through our veins. That thought killed me inside. "I say take the steps to find things out and if he's not yours...yeah it'll sting but you have to be strong enough to move forward with your life and cut those ties with Maria. Anyone who would hurt you like doesn't deserve to be tied to you in any way. I'm tellin you this because I love you. You're better off without people who would hurt you." he told me. I didn't wanna cry in front of him but it was becoming impossible to hold it in. Before I knew it, the tears were falling. He did something I didn't expect...he grabbed a hold of me and hugged me tight. That only made things worse. I guess that's because I needed that hug. My father had never really hugged me or showed any type of affection. It was well needed and I needed to cry. Every knight needs to fall sometimes...as long as there's someone there to catch him and help him back on his feet.

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I talked to Stephanie about things for about an hour that night. She didn't have too much to say. All that she told me was to find out for sure and then go from there. I felt like deep down Stephanie and everyone else around me knew the truth and that I was the only fool who didn't. That angered me. I felt like if all of those people knew and cared for me, they should've put me up on game. The only one that even attempted to was Marco. Carlos knew about Maria's behaviors on campus, then again he hadn't said anything either. I was becoming suspicious of everyone and my anger only increased.

After I left Stephanie's house, I headed over to see Santiago. I needed to look at his face...look into his eyes. I needed that moment of comfort. I walked up to the front door and knocked. It seemed like I had been waiting forever before someone came and answered the door. Maria opened the door, stepped aside and let me in. I didn't say anything to her when I came in. And all she said was, "He's in my bedroom. You can go see him if you want." she told me. "Of course I wanna see him. Why else would I be here?" I said in a smart tone. I walked into her bedroom to see him laying in his bed so innocently. He was knocked out and I didn't wanna disturb him. Instead of reaching out and picking him up, I stood over him and watched him sleep. Maria stepped in about two minutes later, arms folded, not saying a word. I turned around and said, "I thought he'd be up eating or somethin. I'll come back when he's awake again." Maria was nervous and I could tell. There was something going on and I was tired of not knowing. I noticed the way she was looking around and pacing back and forth between the bedroom and the living room. "What's wrong with you?" I asked her, due to the fact that she was behaving like a heroin addict. She didn't get a chance to answer before we were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Everything alright, baby?"...

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