The Kick Back

Rebirth, Renewel

I was never perfect and I never claimed to be. What really confused me was the fact that people chose to lie to me and hide things from me when I was always one to be blunt with the people that I loved. After everything that I had been through with Maria, you would think that Stephanie would've told me that she was pregnant before she left for Michigan. I didn't understand her reasoning, hell I didn't know her reasoning. All that I knew, was that she left...and told me the news in a letter. Was I angry? Yes, and I felt like I had every reason to be. I was still riddled from thinking that I had a son, only to find out that someone I trusted the most was the real father. Everyone had been treating me like I was stupid and expected me to follow the beat of their drum. Stephanie hid the pregnancy from and then expected me to follow in behind her like a dumb ass puppy. I was tired, frustrated, and in a word, done.

I hadn't decided what I wanted to do yet. I did know that I wanted to go to college, but I didn't wanna be anywhere near Maria or her punk ass baby's father. And I wasn't sure that I wanted to move to Michigan with Stephanie even though she was carrying my child. I spent the next few weeks wandering around aimlessly most of the time. Tagging walls in my spare time, trying to do something to cover up the pain yet still express it the best way that I could, and that was through art. There was a wall on the south side of Oakland that I had been waiting to tag, right by the train tracks. I took that thirty minute walk to the wall carrying two cans of paint and enough pain to help me illustrate everything that I was feeling.

I walked up to the wall on a mission. I was gonna express every single thing that I was feeling in one word. I was tired of people playing with me, I was tired of feeling all of these emotions that I couldn't control. I was tired of crying, I was tired of playing the fool. What I needed was a fresh start. With that in mind, I began my ten minute illustration on the wall that I had been yearning to tag. Once I was finished, I stepped back and wiped the sweat from my brow. With a smile etched across my face, I nodded, it was time. Right there, in black and white paint, and big bold letters: REBIRTH.

That Monday, I went to a few of the local colleges and put in applications. The students on campus for summer school were very nice and helpful. Whenever I stopped someone for directions, they would either point the location out for me or walk with me as far as they needed to before I discovered it. So far, I had done well erasing everything from my mind...except for Stephanie and the baby. I felt like I had a responsibility to my unborn child, which I did. We both laid down and made the baby, and I wasn't going to leave Stephanie in this alone. I just wasn't sure if I wanted anything else to do with her, other than our child. We had gone too far to go back, yet I felt as if too much damage had been done for us to go on.

The last college that I applied at on my journey that day was Oakland Center for Creative Arts. I had always been interested in that kind of stuff so I figured that if I was going to spend thousands of dollars on an education, that I might as well go with something that I was really interested in. While I sat in the admissions office, I recognized a beautiful face. I had seen her before around the neighborhood recently. My attention hadn't been on her before due to the fact that I was so focused on me and Stephanie, but she was gorgeous. She sat down about two chairs down from me. She had long dark box braids, golden honey brown skin, and eyes and a smile that could light up the darkest room. I knew I had to talk to her. Stephanie and the baby were still in the back of my mind, but I wanted to keep the promise that I had made to myself that night at the tracks. Rebirth meant renewal, a new beginning. It was time to move forward, and that started with making my move. I stood up and approached her. She looked up at me and smiled.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." I said. I continued to flash my smile, then she nodded and replied with...

"You sure can..."