I love him but I rather not be..

50: Farewell

:Elaine's POV:

It was as if a year has passed, pero sa totoo lang ay isang buwan palang. Sa isang buwan na iyon ay maraming bagay na ang nabago. All of my classmates were already excited with their college life, madalas ay puro sa mga sikat na kolehiyo sila pumasok. Ang iba naman ay nag abroad, bakasyon at kagaya ko ay hanggang ngayon ay wala pang plano.

Mom and dad offered me a lot of options, mostly ay famous colleges din, they wanted me to take up what I want, I told them I haven't decided at okay lang naman daw since its still early pa naman. I took exams sa mga colleges at Law ang kinuha kong curso, wala pang resulta probably next week pa ito lalabas.

My schedule everyday is fixed: jogging sa umaga, painting sa hapon at sandamukal na korea novelas hanggang gabi. It was getting boring the more days pass, hindi ko nga alam kasi parang mas napapagod ako ngayon kaysa nung may pasok pa.

Bumalik sa states ang parents dahil marami na daw silang natambak na paperworks and meetings doon, they even offered me to come with them pero sabi ko I have exams nga dito. They told me na kung sakali man na gusto kong sa states mag aral ay okay lang since they have scholarship there.

It's been a month also since I last saw Drake at kahit papaano naman ay hindi na ako ganoon ka worried sa kanya dahil nag text naman siya saakin na he will be going abroad para mag aral din. Hindi na kami nagkita mula noon, but i've sent him emails about my explanations at reasons for such decisions.

The last time I heard about Daniel is that he's going to prestigious school sa Manila and probably Engineering ang kukunin niya because of his expertise in numbers. Hindi na siya nagparamdam after ng graduation namin but he left me a message congratulating me and stuff.

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang nangyari nitong mga last years ko ng highschool dahil sa extreme events na nangyari sakin. All those heart aches and happiness na ang tindi ng timing sa buhay ko.  But I don't regret na nangyari yun because I really learned a lot about it.

Kumatok si Yaya at sinabi na may bisita daw ako and she wouldn't tell me kung sino. I got down wearing comfy clothes and stared kung sino ang nakaupo doon sa sofa namin. It was him of course.

"Akala ko hindi na kita aabutan" He was looking at me with his greatest smile. Walang nabago sa soft features ng mukha besides the fact na mas lalo ng nagmamature ang mukha niya.

"I never said that i'm going anywhere, asumero to" tinalikuran ko lang siya at umupo sa kabilang side ng sofa. Napansin ko rin na may box siyang dala dala. Para sakin kaya yon?

Nakita kong nakangiti pa rin ito ng umupo and gosh his smile is really nice.

"Bakit ka nga pala napapunta dito? Do you need anything?" Kaswal ko itong tinanong ng inabot niya saakin ang box.

"Mom arrived yesterday and she wanted me to give you this,  very late graduation gift daw"

I accepted it and binuksan ko ito ng walang pasubali. Inside was a very expensive bag and it was really pretty parang alam na alam ni tita ang bags na gusto ko.

Ibinalik ko ulit ito sa box and pinalagay kay yaya sa kwarto ko. Inalok ko si Daniel ng meryenda but he said na he was still full.

Nagkamustahan kami about sa future plans namin.  Kagaya ng nabalitaan ko ay sa manila na nga magaaral itong si Daniel at Civil Engineering pa ang kukunin nitong course. I told him about dun sa mga plano ko pero siyempre nanghihinayang siya because and dami ko daw opportunities pero sinasayang ko lang.

"Hindi naman sa sinasayang ko but I'm still really undecided kung saan ako papasok, there are a lot of options pero hindi ko feel yung school. Maybe this week magdedecide na ako. "

Nag usap lang kaming dalawa buong araw and kung anu ano ng topic namin.  We even bring back old memories na pinagtatawanan lang namin in the end.

I really miss him, this yung parang normal lang walang awkwardness sa pag uusap. Tawa ako tatawa siya parang mga baliw lang.

"Uhmm.. Elaine.." He looked away pero bumalik siya ng tingin saakin and this time he's serious.

"I know this is too early to ask or bring it up, but until now my feelings haven't changed a bit.  I'm not saying na sagutin mo ako agad or what pero gusto ko lang na malaman mo na i'm still into you. It maybe a little too late for me or a little to early for you pero willing ako maghintay until you tell me to stop. I won't force myself to you but it doesn't mean that I give up. Magulo, sobrang gulo parin ng utak ko dahil sayo, not badly pero dahil there are some parts of me na gusto ka ng pakawalan pero yung andun ka na pero di mo magawa? " He look so lost na para bang hirap na hirap na siya sa sitwasyon.

I cannot blame him for that pero the truth is hindi parin ako ready for any kind of this, tong mga sweet loving things. Ayoko po ulit pumasok sa ganito but at the same time I don't wanna push him away. I love him pero hindi pa ngayon.

"hey! Bata pa tayo okay?  We'll meet a lot of new people and baka dun sa mga taong yun is someone better than us. Ayokong bigyan ka ng false hope na ikakasira ng buhay mo, dahil I myself cannot predict the future, baka we meet somebody na magustuhan natin but we're holding back because of the promises we made, I Don't wanna be selfish to you lalo pa't gwapo ka at hindi ka mahihirapan na maghanap ng babae. What I'm saying is ayoko lang na mag hold back ka sa mga opportunities na nasa harap mo just because of me."

Ang hirap naman nento. I want him for me syempre pero ayoko rin naman na sakin umikot ang buong mundo niya. Siyempre we still have atleast 5 years to be still free, try nasty things,  fell in love,  make mistakes and be hurt again. I want him to enjoy this by himself first dahil kung kami naman talaga for each otherit won't be hard for is to communicate diba?

"I love you okay?  Pero wag tayong mag madali. I want to enjoy this years of being a college student, mag uusap parin naman tayo,  we can dine out or gala anywhere pero it's still to early para isara mo na yan" i pointed out his heart "hindi natin matatanggal na magkaroon ng crushes, flings or even relationship in between pero kung tayo talaga, puta edi wow tayo nga talaga" natawa naman ako sa lumabas ng bibig ko.  Nakakagaan lang talaga to have strength to tell this things to him.

"you know what Daniel, let's make a deal, i'll set some signs after our graduation ng college siyempre, and these signs pag ikaw ang napatapat it just means na I belong to you and you belong to me, ikaw din siyempre make your own"  he look puzzled sa sinabi ko na para bang ang tanga tanga ng sinabi ko.

"alam ko it sounds like a young bullshit promise pero this is what I want for us to do,  let destiny do it's work diba? I just smiled at him.

Tumayo siya,  kissed me on the cheek and left.  Walang kahit anung words ni hininga niya nga di ko narinig. May mali ba akong sinabi? Oh well Lord ikaw na bahala saming dalawa.

But for now I guess i was just waiting for him para kausapin ako. I'll pursue college and i'll do my best para maging magaling akong lawyer.

But with my love life?  Sana hindi mag backfire,  mukhang ako yata ang kakain sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya.