Life keeps going - Demi saved me

My head hit the tile hard, making me wince in pain as I tired to make sense of the events unfolding in front of me. I had been making dinner when Beau came home in his usual drunken state. That feeling of dread and nervousness washed over me as I saw him stagger through the kitchen door. I put the knife down on the bench, forcing a smile onto my face as I walked over to him.

"Hi baby, tough day?", I asked as my hand wrapped around his neck.
Beau placed his hands around my waist as he kissed me on the lips. My whole body shuddered as his touch. But there was nothing I could do, this was the life I had chosen.

I pulled away and turned back around to finish chopping my veggies, that's when he finally spoke.
"Fuck you bitch, turn your back to me when I am trying to have a moment with you. Fuck you, you are just an ungrateful whore, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me." Beau was practically screaming.

I turned fast to look at him, I've learnt from the past that its worse if I try to ignore him. He looked remorseful as I starred into his eyes. He moved closer to me, catching me surprise as his fist went straight into my eye. I was not expecting it and lost my balance, hitting my head hard on the kitchens tiles. I winced in pain knowing better then to cry out and show him how much he had really hurt me. I felt his foot go into my rib cage as I shut my eyes tight trying not so see what was coming next. I had learnt from past experience that by being able to see what was going to happen made the events so much worse and that little bit more painful. Again I felt his foot connect with my body, this time kicking my head hard against the cabinet I was lying next too.

I felt my head go dizzy, I tried to open my eyes as pain over took my whole body, just then his foot came flying for my head again, I held my breath as my head was flown into the counter again. I went out cold.

Suddenly I was 9 again running through the long grass trying to catch my mum. We were both laughing and running as hard as we could trying to catch each other. My was the most beautiful woman in the world, I thought as the sun bounced on her long, curly amber hair. She turned and smiled that wicked smile of hers that always made me feel safe and loved. We were approaching the river and I could see Dad standing in it, waist deep with his fishing line. Mum ran straight into the river, tackling Dad to the ground. I followed suit jumping straight in and jumping on Dad while splashing mum. We were all laughing so much as water flew every where. Dad picked Mum up in his arms and then threw her back into the water, her turned looking for me, as I tried to swim back to shore. I place a hand on the shore as he grabbed me tickling me and laughing as he reminded me of how much he loved me. Just then Mum came to me rescue. We splashed around a bit more then we climbed up onto the bank to soak up the sun and dry out while we ate our lunch.

"You, fucken fat, ugly bitch. You are worthless and a waste of my time. I don't even know what I'm doing with you after I was with Cindy last night." I heard Beau yell as I came back to consciousness and snapped out of the beautiful memory of my family. That felt like such a long time ago now, even though it had only been ten.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I heard his footsteps leave the room. I new better to move just yet in case he came back in. I laid there for another five minutes, contemplating the past events in my head. I had no idea what had just happened but I knew one thing for sure I would take it out on my wrist tonight. I slowly got up and made my way back to dinner knowing there would be worse to come if I didn't get the food on the table by 7.




John and Suzzie walked in the door just as it hit 7, they took one look at me and said nothing knowing what Beau was like. John had been Beau's best friend since they were 5 and him and his girlfriend Suzzie had been living with us for the last six months now. Suzzie was my only friend now because I had given up my friends and my popularity the day I got with Beau. Apart from my mothers death and the day Dad found his new family this was the biggest event to change my life. And even though I had to tell myself every day that it was the best thing to happen to me, it took a lot of convincing to believe it.

As we finished dinner the boys made there way into the living room with a box of beer, leaving me and Suzzie to clean up. As we made our way back into the kitchen Suzzie closed the door behind us, turning to me with that same expression on her face that I get every day. It was a look of concern, worry, anger and disgust. I knew what she was about to say but just shock my head at her, signalling that I wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Alex", she said brushing the hair away from my eyes. " why do you stay and torture yourself like this?"

I didn't answer so she carried on.

" you are a beautiful girl and deserve so much more. Beau is a jerk babe, you need to kick him to the curb and save yourself why you can because one day he's going to take it to far baby and I don't think that will be something I would be able to handle. You are like a sister to me, I love you with all my heart and it kills me to see you like this. If we call the police now we can have him arrested by tonight and then you will be safe."

I looked at her with tears streaming down my face, taking in word for word what she said " No", I managed to choke out before breaking down. Suzzie wrapped her arms tight around me as I sobbed. I tried to catch my breath before continuing "No Suzzie, I love him, I need him and I know he loves me, he just has trouble showing it. I am ok, I deserve this. I'm not good enough for him. He's such an amazing guy and I'm just wellllllllllll..... I'm just fat and ugly, I am worthless. I don't know what he sees in me." I chocked out burying my head in Suzzie's shoulder as I began to cry uncontrollably again. I could tell Suzzie didn't know what to say to this and just stroked my hair out of my facing soothing me with her soft spoken words " it's ok baby girl, I love you, I will protect you, you are perfect to me."

Once the dishes were finished I yawned and made a big deal about going to bed. I made my way up the stairs and ran into my bathroom puking up all the food I had eaten at dinner, knowing it would make Beau happier if I was skinner and maybe just maybe it will help to stop the abuse. Once I was finished spewing, I pulled my trusty blade out from its hiding place behind the toilet and got started on my wrist. Digging the corner of the blade on my skin nod pushing it deep as I dragged it. I watched the blood begin to pour as I moved my hand back and cut another 5 times getting deeper and deeper with each cutting, begging god with each one that he would take me now and end this torture. I put the blade back and collapsed against the bath, squeezing my arm, making the blood come out faster feeling a little bit of the pain I was feeling disappear with the blood but not enough.