Something Worth Living For

Chapter 5. Distance

Its been almost a week now that i've been avoidin Quan. He would try to spark a conversation with me, but I just couldnt find it in me to still talk to him without feelings that stupid thing called jealousy. I hated the way it made me feel when ever I would see him showing that...girl for lack of a harsher word the kind of affection I wanted, and longed for him to show me. She was nice as far as I knew or cared to know, and seemed really sweet. I found my self studyin her sometimes tryna see what imperfections she might possibly have, but found none on her 4 month pregnant frame. I started to hate my self for being so stupid and feeling the way I do about Quan. Sometimes I think I made a mistake by telling him that I was gay in hopes of him maybe...I dont know. I had turned back into the person I thought being in a new surrounding would let me break free from. The only people that I would really somewhat hold a conversation wit was Lora and Kwantae. L would still try to talk to me every once in a while, but ultimately stopped after I kept brushing him off. Now he just watches me like im a piece of meat or something. At times it kinda freaks me out, but me being me we'd end up in a staring contest that I always seem to win. I was getting my things ready to leave my class, but just as I began to walk I bumped into Quan who was lookin down on me with concern on his face.

Quan: Wussup lil bit.
Yatta: Hey.(i said walkin around him)
Quan: Man whats wrong wit u why it seem like u been avoidin me lately?
Yatta: I just been busy wit class, and studyin thats all.
Quan: That doesnt explain why I gotta damn near chase u down just to get yo attention all the time though.
Yatta: I just be havin a lot on my mind Juice thats all.

He grabbed me to make me face him lookin me in the eyes, and stop walkin.

Quan: Is somebody f***kin wit u lil bit, do I gotta beat somebody ass up here?(he asked stone faced)
Yatta: No its nothin like that its jus-
Quan: Did I do something?(he said cuttin me off lookin hurt but serious)
Yatta: No....
Quan: Then what is it lil bit? Talk to me like u normally do when ever something botherin u.

I wanted to tell him...Tell him that I hated him because I was in love with him, and he doesnt even know. Even if he did he would never love me back because he got Jeniece who will soon be the mother of his child. I could see the hurt in his eyes from the way that i've been treatin him, and it killed me inside. I forced the fakest smile I could find in my self to make.

Yatta: Everything koo juice I swear. U know how I get sometimes, and im just goin through one of my    anti-social spells thats all.
Quan: U sure?(he said still lookin me in the eyes)
Yatta: Im sure.
Quan: So I aint gotta beat nobody ass?
Yatta: No fool.(i laughed)
Quan: Iight koo.(he smiled) So u comin to my game this weekend right?
Yatta: Nah u know I dont like crowds.
Quan: Come on lil bit u gotta be there.
Yatta: U dont need me there im sure Jeniece gone be there.(i said tryna check my own attitude)
Quan: But this gone be our first game, and it would really mean a lot to me if u came.
Yatta: ok i'll come.(i sighed)
Quan: Iight bet.(he smiled while huggin me pickin me up off my feet) I'll catch u later though lil bit.(he said rushin off to his next class)

I stood there for a while watchin him, and then turn around bumpin into Kwantae. Damn I really need for people to learn what the f***k personal space is.

Yatta: Damn nigga I know im shorter than u, but could u watch where the f***k u goin.(i snapped)
Tae: I love it when u yell at me baby.(he smiled)
Yatta: U some kind of freak dude.(i laughed walkin around him)
Tae: Only for u boo.(he said warpin his arm around my neck walkin by my side) So u comin to the game this weekend huh?
Yatta: What gave u that idea?
Tae: I heard u talkin to yo lil boyfriend, and u told him u would.
Yatta: For the um-teenth time thats not my damn boyfriend he's straight, and im not goin no where.(i said wit an attitude)
Tae: What u mean u aint goin u told him u were?
Yatta: Its called lyin air head, and why do u care?
Tae: Well I mean he aint the only nigga on the basketball team, and I would like to hear u screamin my name...at the game that is. Unless u want to do it somewhere else.(he smiled)
Yatta: Yea when hell freeze over.(i chuckled)
Tae: Aye dont rain on my parade shawty I can dream right.
Yatta: I didnt know dogs had dreams, but I guess so.
Tae: Thats cold shawty.

In the middle of our conversation L walked up muggin the s***t outta Tae, w***eturn the look with as much disgust on his face.

L: Aye kenny can I holla at u real quick?
Yatta: How many times do I have to blow u off for u to get the picture? We dont have s***t to talk about L!
L: Yes we do, and im tired of yo b***h ass attitude now come here.(he said grabbin my arm)
Tae: Hold up bruh I dont think shawty wanna be bothered.(he said snatchin me back and steppin in L's face)
L: Who is this nigga Kenny?
Tae: Im his man nigga, and he said he aint got s***t to say to u so step.
L: Nigga what!?(he said pushin Tae)

Just when Kwantae was about to swing on him I grabbed his arm, and pulled him behind me.

Yatta: L would u stop this s***t. U startin to do some real stalker type stuff poppin up every f***kin where I go. Just accept the fact that were done, and move on dude.
L: So u can talk to everybody else and hear them out, but u cant listen to s***t I gotta say.
Yatta: No because I heard it all before what the f***k could have possibly changed!?
L: F***k it then im done tryna kiss yo ass man.(he said lookin me up and down then walkin off muggin Tae)

I stood there shakin my head as he stormed off like a little kid.

Tae: So what was that about shawty?(he said wrappin his arm back around my neck)
Yatta: Thats my ex I use to date him in highschool.
Tae: Damn u must've put it on him somethin serious for him to still be sweatin u this hard.
Yatta: I aint put nothin on nobody, and I dont plan on it either.
Tae: What u mean?
Yatta: I mean im a virgin, u know, as in never had sex.
Tae: Awwww ok so thats why yo ass always be so fiesty. All u need is for somebody to break that back for u and all that attitude will disappear. U know I can help u out wit that.
Yatta: Im sure you'd love that, but no thanks. Aint nothin wrong wit my attitude either.
Tae: If u say so shawty.(he laughed)
Yatta: What the hell is that suppose to mean?(i said stoppin to give him a dirty look)
Tae: Exactly what it sound like. U sexy as hell, but yo attitude could use some work.
Yatta: What ever.(i said walkin away from him)
Tae: Aye hold up im just being honest wit u.(he said pullin me close to him by my waist) Would u rather me lie to u, or tell u what u wanna hear?
Yatta: Yea yea yea.
Tae: U still didnt answer my question though.
Yatta: What was it again? I couldnt hear u cuz somebody was puttin a whole lotta bulls***t in my ear.
Tae: U and that smart ass mouth.
Yatta: What can I say?(i laughed)
Tae: Are u comin to the game this weekend?
Yatta: I told u no I don-
Tae: Pleeeeaaaassssseeeee.(he said givin me puppy dog eye and pokin his lip out)

I looked at him in those sexy eyes before sighing real heavy.

Yatta: Ok...
Tae: Im sorry what was that?(he said actin like he didnt hear me)
Yatta: I said ok now get off of me.(i said tryna push him off me but he wouldnt let me go)
Tae: Hold on, hold on I got one more question.
Yatta: What?

He leaned in like he was about to kiss me, and then whispered in my ear.

Tae: When u gone let me taste that?(he said lickin then nibblin my ear)
Yatta: Kwantae!(i smiled pushin him off me)

He was just lookin at me seductively bitin his bottom lip as I wiped my ear off.

Tae: Im gone make u mine before the end of this semester shawty I promise u that. Ima make it my own lil personal mission to be able to see them sexy dimples all the time.
Yatta: Ima go request a new room mate.
Tae: Nah u wouldnt do that because then you'd miss me too much.
Yatta: If u say so.
Tae: Aye my sister comin by later too. She said she got somethin to talk to u about.
Yatta: Oh my god no.
Tae: Dont do my lil sis like that.(he laughed)
Yatta: Her ass talk too much, and what she gotta talk to me about?
Tae: I guess u gone find out when she come over.
Yatta: U gone be in class right?
Tae: Yea why?
Yatta: Good, cuz I aint gone open the door.
Tae: She got a key, and she know u gone be there.
Yatta: Why is it that yall ass just cant take no for an answer?
Tae: What can I say, we spoiled. I'll catch u later though im about to be late for class.
Yatta: Bye.

I went back to my room to study the notes I took, and take a shower. My next class wasnt until later today so I could prolly get a nap in too. Just when I was gettin settled in about to nod off I heard somebody knockin, and I knew it was Lora. She was standin there smilin until she looked me up and down.

Lora: Why u not ready?
Yatta: For what?
Lora: The mall, I told Tae to tell u.
Yatta: Im not goin.
Lora: Oh but u r, all u do is stay in this room now go get ready!