dirt

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I finally made it
to the office
and only narrowly
avoided being sick,
or crying,
or screaming at everyone
who stared at me
and probably wondered
what everyone always does:
What are you?

I am me.
Why can't anyone
be happy with that?

The lady at the front desk
smiles as I walk in,
but I can see in her eyes
the wariness
and confusion
that everyone apparently feels
when they see me.
I try to ignore it,
and politely ask her
if I can have a map
to show me where
everything is,
because this school is just
too huge.
She nods and hands one
over the desk
without so much
as a word
to me.

She still says nothing
and just stares
as I awkwardly turn
and hurry out the door.

I make it to homeroom
with only seconds to spare.
I had taken too long at my locker
because a boy
had pushed another boy
into me
as I had tried to
hang up my jacket.
They had both laughed
and had made comments about me
under their breaths
that I had tried hard to ignore
but couldn't.

Being knocked into the lockers
had hurt,
but what had hurt worse
was how poorly
they had treated me -
as if I was just a
piece of dirt
on the floor
that they could kick at
and ridicule
whenever they pleased.

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