Misalignment | ✔

struggling

My life
is beginning to feel
like one of those stupid
high school soap operas
with the group of jocks
bullying the weaker,
younger,
nerdier student.
Only, I don't have
good enough grades
to be called a nerd,
I'm not that much
younger
than my newfound bullies,
and I'd like to think
that I'm not
too terribly weak.

But wishful thinking
will get me nowhere
in the end,
I suppose.

Matty is the only
good thing
about my days
now.
She meets me
at my locker
first thing every morning
to ask how I'm doing
as we walk to our
respective homerooms.
I've tried asking her
how she's doing
plenty of times -
but a single look
is enough to cut off
that topic of conversation.

She's been better
in the week following
'the incident,'
as I've taken to calling it,
but she still has this look
in her eyes
that tells me that she
hasn't completely recovered,
nor has she
forgotten
just what upset her so
in the first place.
Still,
she doesn't bring it up,
and after a few days,
neither do I.

I do, however,
bring up the topic of
my imminent venture
to the hospital
to pay a second visit
to my dying grandmother.
I'd almost forgotten
about it in all
that's been happening,
between the jerks at school
and Matty's silent troubles.

"I'd like it if you would
come with me,"
I tell her one afternoon
on our way to lunch.
"For, you know,
moral support."

For whatever reason,
when I'm with Matty,
I almost feel
invincible,
as though nothing
can touch me -
not the bigotry of
my classmates,
or the silent judgement
of the strangers I pass
on the street -
or even
my grandmother's
resounding criticism
and overall rudeness,
I'm hoping.
With Matty,
I feel more like myself
than I ever have before.

It's a terrible irony,
I'm sure.
She still doesn't even know
what exactly it is
that she's saving me from.

"You want me to
meet your grandma?"
she asks
with a grin -
which soon fades
as she adds:
"From what you said,
though,
she sounds horrible -
and I mean,
I understand why
you're going back,
but it's still..."

"It's the right thing
to do,"
I say -
though I'm not quite sure
how much I believe
my own words.
"Anyway,
I promised my mother
that I would.
And like you said before,
I have to
make amends
while I still can."

"Right..."
She pauses
for a moment
at the door to the
cafeteria,
her features set into a
small frown.
She looks like she's
struggling with something,
something that I can't see.
It's an increasingly more common
expression on her,
ever since
'the incident'
had occurred.

But before I can ask her
what's wrong -
a rather trite question
for the situation -
she shoots me a look
simultaneously full of
frustration
and indecision
and indifference
and sadness.
She soon just shrugs
to herself, though,
and pushes the door open,
letting out the sounds of
students chattering
and getting their food
from the lunch queue.

"You coming?"
Matty asks -
and suddenly,
she's back to normal,
her usual smiling,
cheerful self.
I have an odd feeling
about all this -
her behavior
and demeanor
and the dark look
I still can see
in her eyes -
but I just nod
and follow her
as she sets off towards
our usual table.

×

Matty is so sad and it makes me sad too :c Her story really sucks. Not gonna get into it here, though - that's for Unparalleled. For those of you who don't know, that's the second book in this series, and explains what happened with Matty before she met Cam. But that will become more relevant later on.

But hey, if anyone can guess what happened to her in this story (I don't think y'all will be able to at this point, but whatever), I'll give you a cookie or something. I know, I'm pathetic. I kind of just want to see how predictable (or unpredictable) of a character she is, I guess.

If you guys liked this chapter, I would love if you would vote and leave me some feedback! Is there anything you think I've done well so far? Anything I could do better? Any (constructive) criticism would be much appreciated!! c: