Misalignment | ✔

kiss

I've heard somewhere
that hospitals
are supposed to be a place
of healing and safety,
but I've never believed that
for even a second.
They're a place of
death
and suffering
and pain
to me -
with the occasional miracle
to balance the checkbooks.

When I was ten,
I broke my arm
playing soccer on a school team
(for the last time,
incidentally),
and I can still remember
how blindingly white
everything was,
from the corridors
we walked down
to the room where
they set and cast my arm.
It made me feel
like I was in a prison cell -
all white and steel and cold.
All that was missing
were the padded walls.

It's no different now
in this other hospital;
they all must be the same
in more than just
my imagination.
We walk down hallway
after blank white hallway,
led by an overly cheery nurse
who had called me 'Miss'
when she'd initially greeted
my mother and I.

"Your mom is
just down this way,"
she'd told my mother
earlier -
and after what feels like
hours
of traipsing down
sterile asylum halls,
we reach a door
marked with a familiar
surname.

"Here we are,
Mrs. Shills,"
the nurse announces
to my mother.
"I would be
as quiet as possible
if I were you;
she may still be
asleep."
With those words of wisdom,
she leaves,
disappearing into the
whiteness in the distance.

If this is what
heaven looks like,
I can't help but think,
I don't want to go -
ever.

My mother and I
share a look
that says everything
we both feel
at the moment
before she pushes open
the door
and reveals a room
that is just as white and
impeccably clean
as everything else
in this horrid place.
Seated upon the bed
is a woman
I've only ever seen before
in photographs.
She looks much older than
those pictures ever showed me,
though;
her hair is a snowy white,
and wrinkles reign dominant
upon her pallid cheeks.
As we enter,
she turns a sharp look on us,
which soon changes
to one of surprise.

"Florence,"
she addresses my mother
in a voice that sounds
as scratchy as sandpaper.
"And..."

"Cam,"
I try to intervene -
but not soon enough.

"Camila,"
she speaks over me,
narrowing her eyes.
"How good
to see you..."

A shiver runs
over me,
whether from irritation
or discomfort,
I don't know.
I can't help but feel
particularly uneasy
around this woman,
and for more reasons
than just her use
of my dreaded birth name.

"Florence,"
she continues at length,
condescending as ever,
"just what have you
let the child do
with her hair?"

"Mom,"
my mother murmurs
soothingly, calmly,
as I grimace
and try to hide
how much my
grandmother's remarks
have stung me.
"This is Cam, your...
grandchild.
Show us some respect,
please.
It's the least you can do
to repay us-"

"Repay you?"
Grandmother screeches.
"You were the fool
who married that
rat
of a husband -
I only did what
any logical person
would have done -
I removed myself from
the situation.
You would have done
exactly the same
if you had been me."

She's overtaken by
a coughing fit
then,
one that lasts for
several minutes.
My mother waits
until she's recovered
before she goes
to respond.
I can only wonder
at the patience
she's exhibiting,
because in her situation,
I would have been
far too upset
to even speak
rationally.

"No mother
would ever abandon her child -
or her grandchild,"
my mother says firmly,
"even if she didn't
particularly agree
with her daughter's taste
in men.
Now, please understand
when I remind you
that this visit was by
your request,
not mine.
I won't tolerate
your criticism
any longer.
Cam and I are here
at your behest only
to say our farewells -
and nothing more
than that."

The cool tone of voice
she uses to address
Grandmother
isn't something that I
have ever heard from her
before
in all of my
sixteen years of living.
Shell-shocked, I watch
as she calmly walks forward
and kisses her
equally-as-shocked mother
on the forehead -
a Judas kiss
to repay the one that
Grandmother had metaphorically
given to us
years ago.
"Goodbye,"
she says -
and the one word
contains a variety of others
that I can only
guess at.

When my mother has finished
and turns back to me,
there's a certain sadness
in her eyes
that reminds me of what I'd seen
earlier
after I'd gotten home
from school.
But she doesn't say
anything more,
and instead
takes my hand
in hers -
and we walk out
of Grandmother's room
without another word
or a single look back
at our long-lost relation.

×

For anyone who wonders why Cam's mom is my favorite, this chapter is a prime example of why. Long story short, Florence's mother was the big bad bully in her life up until this point, and this chapter is the first time she's spoken up for herself and her family - ever. She's pretty laid back normally, but I guess now she's about had enough. What a gal <3

If you guys like this chapter, please feel free to vote and leave me some feedback below! I'd love to hear what you guys think, because this was probably my favorite chapter to write so far! c: