Misalignment | ✔

ruin

I think I might be
in shock.

Somehow, I was rescued
from that horribly awkward
situation
and whisked away
down the hall
to somewhere that is
definitely not
the nurse's office.
We finally stop
in a back hallway
I've never been in before,
one that is full
of silence
and marked by a
distinct lack of
other students.
The classrooms on either side
are empty
and dark,
as though they'd been
abandoned
for whatever reason.
Perhaps there were
recent renovations
to the school building
that rendered them
obsolete.

I can definitely
commiserate with them
on that sentiment.
It's often these days
that I feel
quite the same
as those forgotten rooms.

Matty soon turns to
look back at me
with a sympathetic -
but simultaneously
expectant -
expression on her face.
She's waiting for me
to explain,
I realize,
but I don't exactly
want to.
I know how it'll end
if I tell her
what just happened -
what exactly she
just saved me from.
It's always the same,
after all.

"Thank you,"
I say after a pause.
"I really owe you
for that-"

"Are you alright?"
she asks,
cutting me off.
"I mean,
you looked so
out of it
back there...
But I don't think
you're actually sick -
at least, not physically."

This girl is
far more perceptive
than she seems
at a glance.

"I just..."
I can't finish.
This girl -
Matty, I mean -
has been kind to me
when no one else
was willing to be -
and she saved me just now
from this awful
gender discrimination,
too.
I have to
give her that much,
but at the same time...

Maybe I just don't
want to risk
what little I have
to gamble with
by telling her
the whole truth.
I'm probably
nothing to her,
I'm sure,
other than an object of
her sympathy,
since she seems to be
a naturally
kind-hearted person -
but if I told her
that I am neither
male nor female,
but someone who is
somehow
stuck in between,
that could all change
in a heartbeat.

I barely know
this girl,
but I somehow
don't want to see
on her face
that expression
that everyone seems to gain
when they see me,
not after she's been so
friendly
and understanding
thus far.

I'm rambling,
though,
putting off the inevitable.
Matty is watching me
expectantly,
waiting for
my answer.
I wish I could just
say nothing at all.

"I don't really
feel well, no,"
I lie -
sort of, because
that situation
in the gym
had knotted my stomach
into a mess
of anxiety and stress.
Physically, I feel
a little bit
nauseous
because of it,
but not in the way
she would think.
"Sorry if I
worried you,
Matty..."

She simply
looks at me
for a long moment -
wondering, I'm sure,
about me,
about who I
really am.
But I won't tell her
anything.
Maybe that's
irresponsible
of me,
or misleading,
but if this is my chance
to make even
one friend,
I don't want to
ruin it all with
that one careless word.

Somehow,
hiding that one
important part of me,
even if it's for
a good reason,
makes my heart
sink even further
than it already had.

"Okay,"
is all she says -
and though I can tell
she wants to know more,
she doesn't ask about it
any more.

And though
I still feel horrible
inside,
it is enough
for me.

×

I dunno about you guys, but it's really kind of sad what lengths people like Cam have to go to in order to make - and keep - friends sometimes. People should be proud of their gender, rather than hide it so that people like them. It just makes me really sad that this happens. Can't we just all get along?

Anyway, if you guys liked this chapter, please feel free to vote and leave me feedback! I love to hear from you guys!! c: