Misalignment | ✔

here

Matty ends up missing
the greater part
of the school week.
It's not until
after lunch on
Thursday
that I finally find that
she's returned.

She looks much, much worse
than when I saw her last on
Saturday.
She's leaning
against a locker
when I find her,
listening as
another student chatters
to her about
something -
sagging against the locker,
rather,
like it's the only thing
keeping her from
toppling to the ground.

If it were
anyone else,
I might just say that
she's probably tired,
or perhaps recovering from
an illness of some sort.
But this is Matty,
the girl who has always
put on a
cheerful façade
in the time I've known her,
even when times
get tough.
She'd never let herself
seem anything but well,
even if only to avoid
worrying everyone else.

But today, she looks
as though someone had
rather forcibly
drained the life from her,
leaving her numb
and dull
and very unlike
her normal self.
This is not
the Matty I know.
This is someone
much different
from her.

Inadvertently,
I'm reminded of
the haunted look
in my mother's eyes
that day at
the hospital
as I look at Matty.
I can't seem to shake
the feeling
that their expressions are
very, very similar.

Matty barely registers
the change in faces
as her friend finally
walks away
and I step forward
to take her place.
She doesn't say anything
when I call her name
and wave a hand
in front of her face
and feebly joke with her
by asking if
she's home.
She certainly doesn't look
like she is,
in my opinion.

"You never answered
any of my texts,"
I say at last.
"Are you okay?
Did something happen?"

She finally
looks up at me,
then -
and I'm scared
by how vacant
and lifeless
her eyes look.

"I'm fine,"
she mutters
unconvincingly.
"I've been...
sick."

"You don't look sick.
At least,
not physically."

If my observation,
repeated from one of her own,
has any impact
on her,
she doesn't let it show -
and that's when I know
for sure
that something is wrong.
Matty is
the most open person
I have ever met;
something horrible
must have happened
to make her retreat
so far
into herself.
But what
could have happened
in such a short time?

"Just
drop it,"
she says suddenly,
sounding bitter.
"It's nothing
you need to
worry about."

I'm taken aback
by her tone -
she's never,
ever
snapped at me
before.
It's
unexpected
and a little
scary,
maybe more so than
the desolate expression
I saw in her eyes.

Matty,
what has happened
to you?

"I'm just trying to help,"
I protest,
trying not to let
the fact that she seems
close to tears
worry me.
The attempt
soon fails,
and I feel a frown
begin to form
on the corners of my lips.
"It's the least
I can do,
all things considering."

She takes a
deep breath, then,
as if she's struggling
to breathe.
"The best thing
you could do for me
now,"
she says
a bit more softly,
"is to let it alone
and stop worrying
about me,
Cam.
I'm sorry,
but this is one thing
I don't want to
talk about -
I can't talk about.
And don't think that
it's your fault,
because I think
I could tell you
anything,
and you'd understand me
completely.
But not this,
not now.
It's not the right time
for this yet..."

I do understand her
completely -
because I have been
in her situation
before,
and I know what it's like
to not trust yourself
to say what you wish
you could say to someone -
anyone -
because you can't possibly
risk the results
of doing so.
It's like the day
that Matty saved me
from gym class.
I wanted to get
my gender
and all those issues
off my chest,
but the timing
just wasn't right.
I couldn't trust
in an absolute lack
of guarantees
and backup plans
so completely.

So I'll do
what Matty had done
that day -
what she has done
every time
the timing of my feelings
wasn't quite right for me
to tell her the truth.

"All right...
But if you ever do
want to talk about it,
I'll be here."

The resulting smile
she gives me
barely hides the pain
in her eyes -
but to me,
it's the brightest smile
I've ever seen on her
for its emergence from
her pained expression.
It's funny how
beauty
always shines
so much more brightly
in the light of
hardships.

"Thanks,"
she whispers -
and that one word
speaks in a thousand
shades of relief
and hurt
and despair
and -
somewhere in it all -
hope.
With it, I somehow
am assured that
she will be all right -
if not now,
then someday
soon.

And I know she will recover.
If it's Matty,
I know she'll be
just fine.

×

This chapter makes me really emotional because Matty doesn't deserve to be so upset... It's even worse when you know the reason behind it (cough cough, Unparalleled). But that will be revealed in time, never fear.

Anyway, if you guys liked this chapter, I would love if you would vote and leave me some feedback below! I would really appreciate it c:

Also, just out of curiosity: who is your favorite character so far? And yes, I'm saying so far, because there will be more characters introduced in the near future, ones who will be very important to the story... Very important. So stay tuned.