When I Grow Up (Seventeen Jeonghan x CLC Seunghee)

Seventy Eight: When I Try Again And Again

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After a couple of times since the last time, Jeonghan finally accepts her invite for dinner. Seunghee's relieved. Because she doesn't know what to do next if he rejects her one more time.

They meet at an expensive Japanese restaurant, both dressed professionally, arriving at exactly 8PM. She looks stunningly gorgeous in her formal attire and he looks dazzling enough to walk with her. She can't help but wish this is not just a professional meeting they're having, but a simple catching up date.

They take their seats at a reserved table, which was her doing.

"I hope you like it here," she says.

"Yeah, it's okay," he replies.

They order their meals and start discussing only about work. It's hard for Seunghee to open up to him. His concerns are all about his business. But she will take her time. She can't let this night pass without talking to him about what happened to them in the past. After about an hour of senseless chitchat for her, he finally opens a window.

"I see you're still single," he suddenly utters. "Why is that? Sorry if I sound like intruding."

It shatters her all over. His tone is as insensitive as ever. And his face is as cold as ice. It's heart breaking. She stares at him as he eats. She can't even touch her food. With him like this in front of her again, it's almost as if she's already full from the heartache.

"Jeonghan..." she starts. It's the first again that she calls him only by his name in eight years and it feels nostalgic. "Can we talk about us? About us eight years ago?"

His expression doesn't change. "What about it? It's long over. I don't think it should still affect us now."

He's still as unsympathetic as ever but she shuts her fears and just go on with what she prepared. She waited for this for eight long years, she can't bite her tail now.

"It still does to me. All this time, the only thing I have in my heart is regret. For hurting you. For breaking my word. For being the girl who betrayed you," she starts, with an expression so sorry, she's almost teary. "I'm sorry. I still say these words in the back of my head, consciously, or even in my subconscious for years and it won't just stop."

Seunghee can only stare at his unwavering expression. He's not showing any tinge of sentiment towards her. It's a poker face, but she can't really tell what's behind it.

"Jeonghan, I still wish for us to try again. I can prove to you that it was all just a mistake. I will-"

"I wish I could say the same. But I think time has different ventures for both of us."

This time it totally wrecks her. He stares back at her like some kind of stranger who doesn't really matter. Looking at him, her tears instantly fall down her eyes in front of him.

"Hey, don't cry here. People might get the wrong idea," he says as he passes her the tissue.

It doesn't matter to her though. She gets tissue and wipes her tears, but she can't even look at him anymore. This outright rejection is just too much. He doesn't intend to give her any hope. Or anything to hold on to anymore. It's too much to handle for her grieving heart.

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She drowns herself in alcohol for the third time that week. She hasn't been teaching her classes and she hasn't gone to the Cube office for days. She only sobers up in the mornings and waste away the night again. She only wants to run a way for a matter of time. She only wants to sink her frustrations away. She hasn't been this humiliated her entire life. Face to face with rejection, it takes all of her dignity to stand up to him over and over again. But she can only bear so much. And this time she needs to rest for a little while. Before she stands up to him again and work her way steadily to his heart one more time.