Black and White and Streaks of Color

Chapter Thirty Four: Mabel's P.O.V. Erasing Pacifica's Mind

"The journal says we need the tool that erases minds," my brother informs."Luckily, on one of my adventures I encountered it and borough it back with me. Now we just have to find Pacifica."
We search the lab, and the huge room containing a huge upside-down triangle with a hole in it, which I believe is a portal or something like that. I wonder where it leads.
"Mabel! I found her!" Dipper calls me over to the corner of the room, where Pacifica lay with her eyes closed. I kneel next her.
"Is she unconscious?" Dipper asks.
I looks up at him, feeling pain in my eyes and heart."Would it even matter?"
  Dipper types "Pacifica Northwest" into the mind-erasing machine."Would you like to..."
I take the machine. I don't know why I take it. I don't want to be the one to erase my own girlfriend's mind. I can't bring myself to do it. I hold it up with a firm grip, but my hands are sweaty and shaky. All I have to do is pull the trigger, and all her memories would be gone... her childhood, her family, her name... our love. She won't know where she is, who she is, everything would be gone. I can't do that to her. But I can't let Bill keep her in her mindscape forever. And I can't let the parasite take over her.
  "Goodbye," I whisper solemnly. I pull the trigger, and a blue light ray shoots towards her head. Seconds turn into what feels like long hours. I stand there watching her memories leave. Dipper watches as I erase my girlfriend's memories. Everything goes blurry and I realize that my eyes are filling with tears. I feel as if I'm carrying the ocean in my head. I want to sob. I want to scream. But I can't. I let go of the trigger and drop the machine. I fall to my knees crying.
  Dipper bends by my side and rubs my back.
  "It's all gone," I manage to say softly between tears and gasps of air."It's all gone." I bury my face in my hands."I can't live with myself now that I've done this. I can't."
  "It's for the best, Mabel," Dipper tells me."We'll make her remember. We'll help. It will be okay."
  I lift my head and open my eyes. She looks so helpless, laying there. Her mind is probably so lost and confused. How could I do this to her?
  Pacifica Northwest opens her eyes. Except she doesn't know that is who she is.