He was my Smoke,

Chapter five - He returned the favor-

Five:

I was having trouble answering algebra when my eyes moved involuntarily to the opposite house across the street. Abraham Storm…

Did he wake up? How did he react? Those were the questions roaming my mind as I started biting on the pencil in my hand. He is a drunk, he obviously has to deal with drugs constantly however that doesn’t indicate whether he uses them or not.

Why was I attracted to him? And if it’s excused, my attraction I mean, why don’t I feel hung over Alec’s death?

I love Alec, I’ve spent months with him and I should feel horrified to even think about another guy but the thing was that I wasn’t embarrassed, I wanted to get to know Abraham, he excited me. Does that mean I’m attracted to drug addicts/ mess ups?

I wouldn’t mind if it’s so since I am a mess up as well, there’s nothing wrong to get attracted to bad boys… right?

I frowned thoughtfully at the window not seeing beyond the glass and then I realized that most probably seeing Abraham again is of zero probability.

It kind of annoyed me but I learned to be alone in a way.

Natalie had called me and said that I should go to her place in two hours, I was almost done with my homework so I decided to get it over with while diverting my thoughts away from guys and then I’ll just go to her place, chill for a while and I’ll forget that saving Abraham ever happened.

A while later my eyes felt dry from staring at the equation for too long, I huffed desperately and threw the pencil across the room before I glared at the ceiling.

“I hate math” I mumbled with venom and brutal honesty. I used to like math before the accident but I don’t know why my mind’s IQ fell incredibly after the rehab course.

I stood up and walked to my bed grabbing the shirt I was going to wear and looked at it thinking about Haroon.

He was a great support and I missed him, he helped me and now I was on my own in the world.

I wished I could have said “it’s us against the world baby” to the love of my life but it’s not like that. I’ve lost the only person I love and with the way my life is going I’m seemingly going to end up alone.

I don’t want to look for love because everybody says that when love is chased, it’s erased. I didn’t want to keep looking for love knowing it will not come to me saying ‘here I am’ I wanted to believe it will come surprisingly on its own.

But I felt nothing on my own.

Closing my eyes and breathing in and then holding my breath I counted one, two, three, four, and five and then I exhaled.

Haroon always said it helped but why didn’t it help me ever?

My shoulders fell unhappily. I was nothing on my own.

As I took off my shirt to get in the other one trying to push negative thoughts away, I heard the front door ringing more than once.

“what a jerk” I muttered as I heard my father yelling loudly,” for the love of god who is it!” a small smile formed on my lips, at least I like that person for pissing my dad off.

That person obviously wasn’t the patient type and my father wasn’t the sweet type either. Who were they expecting anyways? Sometimes I feel like I’m a member of a family that died somewhere and I ended up adopted by those ones.

I froze at the thought, maybe I was?

My throat went dry as I licked my lips, could it be true? I had chocolate brown hair like neither of my parents. My sister had blonde hair and my brother had short light brown hair that resembled nothing to mine. No one had my eyes, my nose, and my lips.