He was my Smoke,

Chapter Nineteen - I didn't ask for this-

Nineteen:

When you’re expecting, your mind doesn’t cool down and your palms turn cold. The effect of knowing you’ll be faced with something completely alters the way you’re thinking and your brain seems oblivious that you’re partially missing from this world.

I looked beside me to see Abraham focusing on driving. I lowered my gaze to smile as he kept fiddling with my fingers. A song was playing on the radio but I wasn’t paying attention. A part of me feared this revelation because I thought he’d tell me about it not show me.

Showing someone who you are is more traumatizing. What if he ended up a horrible person? What if what I’m going to see completely change all the things I’ve ever thought of him?

“Why do you want me to choose what’s better?” I asked and bit my lip looking out the window. I was in no state to look into his eyes now.

The movement of his fingers stopped and I knew he was looking at me,

“Just do it.” He softly replied and then sighed,” I’m a little anxious about how you’ll react”

My head snapped up and I stared at him,” I’m the one whois scared shitless!”

He frowned and stole a glance at me before focusing on the road,” why would you be?”

“I’m scared of what I’m going to see” I admitted and gulped down.

“Do you seriously think I’m that bad?” he asked and I couldn’t ignore the tone in his voice. He knew I wasn’t trusting him, he knew I wasn’t comfortable and I felt guilty because he knew. I tried to trust him with my life but trust didn’t fall on my lap when I kissed him.

The car stopped at the side of a secluded road and then he turned to look at me. I wished he wouldn’t ask me to turn and look at him but he did and I turned my head.

“I’m sorry, Abraham. I just fear who you are.”

“Why?” he asked and I saw the pain across his face.

“Because every single word spoken about you was horrible; people don’t like you Abraham. They’re scared!” I slipped and then covered my mouth in shame.

I didn’t think he’d look so pained, I mean I was ashamed because I kind of proved to him that he’s not loved – which was supposedly what he wished would be the way it is- not because he didn’t know.

But with the look of shock on his face, I knew I just pressed on a string I wasn’t supposed to approach.

“Oh.” he whispered and then bit on his jaw.

“Abraham, look at me” I spoke as hard as I could but he ignored me and stepped out of the car. I watched him as he got out his cigarette and then lit it up before sticking it between his lips.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Abraham” I mumbled and covered my eyes. He was trying to make this day special but I ruined it since I was too itchy just thinking what he’s going to show me.

I didn’t trust him with my life, but I’d die for him to live. I didn’t feel he’d do that in return though, even though from what he told Javier, he showed his extent of care towards me.

I groaned in anger, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and now the day is ruined.

A long time passed with me sitting on the seat feeling extremely annoyed with my own skin while Abraham was sitting indie style on the hood of the car smoking the number I don’t know what cigarette.

At a point I’ve decided to act like a mature adult and not just an eighteen year old teen.

I stepped out of the car and walked slowly towards him. He was thoughtfully staring at the road that continued till it was a dot far away.