He was my Smoke,

Chapter thirty one - after a rise, there's a fall-

Chapter thirty one:

A leg after the other, I’ve walked. My eyes kept staring at what’s around me like it’s my first time. Everything seemed shinier, more beautiful, more magical and somehow more depressing but I oppressed that feeling within me because I knew if I didn’t I would have ended up crying.

My life couldn’t get any better at that point; Natalie was happy since she’d been getting closer to Dean and he talked to me about the possibility of asking her to be his girlfriend. The fact put a smile on my face.

Natalie deserved to find someone who’d love her and ever since me and my family dealt with rather than evaded our differences and past, I’ve gotten to know each and every one of them.

Dean was a good guy and he had a heart of white wool. He would keep you warm and smile when you’re down. Because I’m so close to him at this point, I can’t imagine life without him and I can’t even begin to explain how unlikely it is for me to understand how I dealt with my eight years of childhood without the protective love of my older brother.

Blake had been same. He didn’t change and I’m happy about it; sometimes I feared he’d fall for me again but he never did say anything about it nor did he show any awkward signs and I thank the lord for that because I suck at dealing with awkward things and at this point if he had told me about his feelings, most probably we wouldn’t have been friends and I wouldn’t even regret it.

At the topic of love; Abraham had been waiting for me in front of school every single day and he’d always drop me off at home then join us at lunch where he’d chat with my brother and father like he’s one of the family. His parents had visited us more than once and my mother and his mother are now great friends.

The guy who kidnapped me; Christian had sent me a creepy message one day through a guy who ended up getting beaten up by Abraham and Javier. It said something about how Abraham’s life clock should be ticking backwards and that all the kisses we shared were nothing and all I was doing was entrap him. Normally that reminded me of the days I’ve spent locked inside that building and also how I was free today alive because of him.

He truly loved me in his own sick twisted way and by showing me he could rape me or abuse me, he was protecting me in his own eyes.

If he didn’t let me go, I would have been dead or maybe his mistress; raped every single day for his own pleasure. The mere idea brings me to tears and it shakes my core so bad that I feel like I’m being cut slowly.

Regarding Javier, He’d came to me two to three times admitting he didn’t love his girlfriend at all and that he wished he’d break up with her without his parents’ knowledge but he believed it’s impossible since they kind of set them up together and they’d flip if they knew he didn’t want her.

In addition, he felt like he wanted to go out in the open about him being a gangster.

Fearing his mother’s heart though, he decided on otherwise.

My feet stopped just as my recalling to all the memories stopped and I stared forward at the grave before me.

Alec

Loved by every single one and still alive in most,

You’ll not be forgotten, you’ll always be cherished.

My lips quivered as I remembered how devastated I was. I thought my life was over, that I couldn’t start new and that the end was soon. Going to rehab was so painful to me because it was a proof I was defeated somehow. Not being free and ‘notorious’ killed me because I’ve always been blindly led by my parents everywhere that I ached for freedom.